Comedic Calamity

We had a mild calamity.

I got off work a tiny bit early on Saturday, and in celebration of our now smoke free state (I do mean the state of north carolina, btw, not our own personal state of being), I joined John & friends at the local pool hall to shoot the breeze for a few. We stayed a while, visited the waffle house, then headed home.

It is BITTER cold right now. Around 15 degrees at night. B-I-T-T-E-R. John was sleepy so we rode together, in my car, with me driving.
We got on the interstate and the wind was just pouring into the car, even though the windows were up. John realized his door wasnt closed all the way, so he pulled it - nothing. He opened it quickly (on the interstate, mind you) and shut it - nothing. Still open. He fiddled around and slammed the door about 2300444000 times before I decided to pull over. We stopped and he slammed it about 3004 more times before finally rolling the window ALL the way down, reaching out, grabbing the handle outside and shutting the door.
VOILA! It worked. Door shuts.
We can now continue on our finger numbing nose frozen journey. Get back on the interstate and GUESS WHAT? The window wont roll up. LOL. Seriously? I laughed so hard at his expression. Poor dude just wanted to catch a nap but was destined to freeze to death. We did finally manage to get the window up and all was well. He got a tiny nap before we got home...I was so amused!

I ♥ Faces - Hilarious outtakes entry - The waffle rats

On Sunday nights, after working all weekend, we often hit up our local waffle house to raise a ruckus and chill out. We snap pictures to blackmail each other. In the first one, you can tell that whatever was on that cell phone was REALLY traumatizing, and in the second, I was super amused at who knows what while I was trying to wrap myself in that scarf. Enjoy my entry :)

I am married to a man

He is often strange.
He is often silent -especially when it matters.
He tends to go to bed too late.
He oversleeps for work.
He doesnt fold laundry, even when I leave it sitting around.
He forgets to feed the dogs.
He yells really loudly when he is angry.
He despises mismatched socks.
He tends to wear work clothes everywhere he goes.
But, he is my husband.

He feeds the dogs at night (mostly).
He lets out the dogs in the morning so I dont have to get up.
He starts a fire for them when its really cold.
He reminds me to feed my chickens sometimes.
He buys excellent christmas gifts.
He cleans the bathtub cause the cleaner stuff gives me a headache.(hint,hint)
He saves money.
He makes me laugh.
He lets me yell really loudly at him, then he makes a joke.
Yes, he is my husband.

And, I think I'll keep him.
I love you, darlin :)

PEOPLE! Slow the EFF down!

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Seriously? Its snowing like a crazy freak outside and people are flying on the interstate. It makes me want to V-O-M-I-T. As if the snow isnt stressful enough, please mr. jackassfastdrivingfreak SLOW DOWN. I can assure you that if you lose control of YOUR car while driving like a MORON and slide into mine, I will punch you when I get out. k.

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Now, on the other hand, if you're driving like ME - slow, cautious, attentive, not texting, and you should lose control of your vehicle, different story. I can say its scary though, to lose control and slide. I did it. For about 200 feet. Sideways. With 3 cars coming at me, 2 behind me. Almost into a bridge, all while screaming "IIIMMMMMM GOOOONNANNNNNNAAANNNAAA WRREEEECCCKKKKKK" followed by hysterical crying trying to figure out if I'd messed myself. I slid, I recovered, and I made it home all in one piece (and I did not soil myself). I AM however, woman enough to admit that it was really totally scary, and I acted very girly and had to call john.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was also driving the truck that is SUPPOSED to be 4 wheel drive but is malfunctioning (read:ice skates), poor brakes (read:slide thru tollbooth whle trying to brake), and had frozen windshield wipers 3 times on the way home (read:kerriforgottoturnthedefroston malfunctioning im sure) So there. Forecast is calling for 10-15" ive heard. Id say we've got about half that already, looking forward to what tomorrow morning holds :) Im off, so BRING ON THE SNOW!!! We're totally decorating our tree tomorrow...

Has anyone seen the "I heart faces" blog? I think I am in love. I missed the deadline for this week, but its about Pets, so im gonna add a picture anyway. Sue me. (please dont, I merely talk a big game)


Ill admit. I sat in one spot for 2 hours waiting on the perfect picture. I took hundreds. Great lighting that day, lots of good ol' Colorado sunshine pouring in while the branches of my favorite Sheridan tree (i specify the town of Sheridan because I now have a favorite Boonville tree) swung lazily. Finally, the kittens got sleepy and started being really cute. So, I got this. Our bulldog Jersey, snuggled up with the cutest sphynx kitten (yes, thats right, she's supposed to be naked). Hope you like :)

Is it normal to blog twice in one day??

I feel compelled. The funniest most tragic thing just happened to John. He was driving home from work in his old truck. (I say old... I mean OLLLDDD..) He apparently is driving down the back road to get here, when he sees a hawk (or an owl, we arent entirely sure which) sitting on the double yellow munching away on something. Just as he passes it, the bird flies up and hits the side of his truck. He's traumatized, so he calls me to see what he should do. We decide he should go back and take a peek, maybe shoo it off the road if its still there, but it likely is just stunned, not actually harmed. He turns around to go back, and hes telling me about the situation and I hear THUMP followed by him yelling. I said uh what just happened? He screeches "IT JUST HIT ME AGAIN!" Apparently, the poor bird was only stunned long enough for John to drive back. Or, its suicidal. And now, its managed to fly into both sides of the Beast. LOL. And, it has thoroughly traumatized John. Poor guy. No good deed goes unpunished. Ill be sending his counselling bill to the department of fish and wildlife. Thanks alot, stupid bird.

Guess what!?

The Hooooooccccchhhhhhhaayyyy fixed the phone! LOL its free & clear :) Now, its mine, baybay! John is getting something else for christmas! Ive already found the CUTEST phone cover :) (for myself, of course..)


I sent the hoochie this email:
Do you realize that I had my father drive me almost 2 hours to get a phone that doesnt work? its christmas and I keep trying to keep that in mind, but I need resolution to this. I cant believe yuo stood RIGHT THERE and lied to my face. I ASKED if the phone was clear and you said YES! Unreal! Amber, do the right thing. Refund me my money or clear the phone. It was a christmas gift for my husband and I spent most of his christmas money buying a bunk phone from you.

She responded with this:
ok listen here the phone is clear i called verizon today. im sorry i couldnt get back to you yesterday i didnt get home til after midnight. the phone shouldnt have any problems because 1 i bought it at full retail price from verizon and 2 my bill was paid so i dont know what the problem is.


I thought she was lying, but she wasnt, apparently, so I emailed her to thank her and she HAS ME BLOCKED! LOL

Anyway, I have every intention of dragging John out to get our christmas tree tonight.....yAy!!!