3 little letters.

Our whole infertiliy world has revolved around 3 letters. The letters vary, but its still 3 letters. First, we dealt with PCO. Even though I dont fall under the 'umbrella' of true PCOS, my ovaries are polycystic, and it seems there is an increased chance of my eggs not reaching maturity.

My intial gynecologist gave us cycle after cycle of Clomid, with ineffectiveness. With furthur testing, we then find out we are struggling with MFI. We're still using CLomid, just a different application. Its costly, but not unbearably so.

We moved to IUI. 5 cycles of IUI. What an emotional roller coaster. Costly, both out of pocket and mentally. We spend 2 weeks being super hopeful, super motivated, excited, drugged up (lol), and positive. We have the IUI. Then, we spend 2 weeks doubting, unsure, emotional, scared, hopeful, scared to be hopeful. Its definitely a gamet of emotions and insecurities. You wonder is it worth it? Whats the toll on my relationship? Are WE going to be ok? Am I going to be ok? Are these drugs causing some sort of lasting effects that will ome back to haunt me in 30 years? Its so much every time!

Now, my dr's parting words today. I asked what was our next plan if today's IUI wasnt sucessful. As she pats me on the naked thigh, she says "IVF" with her best chipper voice. IVF? Wow. Thats 20 grand. We are the average american couple, living paycheck to paycheck. IVF costs anywhere from $14000 to $20000. WHo has that as spare change? I can raise it. I might be 40. Which is a whole nother group of odds! This is insane!

All this aside, Im excited! After our IUI's today and yesterday, I feel great! Im hoping for the best. Its still early on in the relationship that Ive formed with this 2 week wait, but so far, so good! Remaining positive is the only chance we have for sucess. Really.

This was long and rambl-ish, I apologize. Its just alot to think about, alot to consider. Im not ready to give up, not a chance! <3