Misdiagnosed

Its a possibility (and a probability) that we were misdiagnosed with a fertility issue.

Remember back when we had Captain Douche Bag at the family dr? Yeah, so he was angry he had to deal with it, charged us a ton for tests we didnt need, half assed his testicular exam, and Im almost POSITIVE he missed a varicocele. I called the urologist yesterday and made an appointment for June 24th and we'll be going and having a proper diagnosis at that time. If Im wrong, Ill be sad, but if Im right Ill be ELATED! Well, partially. Ill also be partially angry and partially sad about that, too, because we've missed so much time! But the opportunities are ENDLESS!!

Anyway, enough excitement for today... Thursday, Im going to a Country throwdown concert with Jamey Johnson. I cant wait! My wifey is going and some of our other friends. Its gonna be a throwdown, for sure!! <3

Tattoos

Im getting a tattoo!

I researched fertility symbols and came up with a kokopelli. Seems very fitting for me, personally, as it is not only the god of fertility, but the guardian of music and pranks. I want it to serve several purposes. A reminder to myself that a baby is on the horizon, and a future reminder to myself that when I have bratty teenagers, that this was something that I longed for so greatly, and so much emotional struggle and time went into this goal. Additionally, it will be my badge of honor and courage. People unfortunately quit on themselves more often than not. Its important to realize a problem must be approached from all angles, and if you continue to work for it, you'll get it! From a music standpoint, my kokopelli is holding a guitar created to look like Jamey's guitar. His music is sound that I admire so much, with so much depth and emotion.

I had been searching for an appropriate representation that wouldnt turn into a terrible representation in 20 years :) This seems to be it! Im super excited! I have no idea where I want to go, or how soon I want to do it, but im STOKED!!! Im also slightly needle phobic, so it should DEFINITELY make for an interesting experience...lol!

my future tattoo :) my daddy drew it!

So you want to take baby pictures? 7 important things you'll need!

What you will need:

1)A camera - either your own, or you may borrow one.

2)A baby - same applies, although a borrowed baby could get complicated if you break it or forget to return it...

3)some cute props. - I dont recommend glass, or anything that might cause splinters

4)Sedative - this is for the mother.

5)Yarn & someone to crochet - the coccoons and other various baby picture implements get expensive, if you know someone that can crochet or knit, you're set!!

6)Patience - Seriously.

7) A baby with flaccid neck muscles (this is the MOST important one!!)- one would think that a less than 10 day old-er would have little to no head control. The particular baby I used today in pictures is gonna be like a rapper or a whip lash test dummy or something. I couldnt pose him because of his amazing neck muscles. Im wondering if hes part pit bull!

So, I photographed my first baby today. Well, Ive done it before but never with the intention of stuffing a baby in some cute crochet(ed???) coccoon and taking pictures... I think it went pretty well. I took about 17o pictures and got about 30 that I really like ALOT. Im not anywhere even CLOSE to professional or even THAT skilled, but I like pictures, I like babies, and I like natural light. I worked with that and went with it.. Hope you like :) (mind you, only a small part of me hopes you like it...most of me realizes that I dont know you and it'll never matter..) KAH

Baby R & his proud big sister, M. <3



















My favorite!!

Trying my hand at various things..

Im going to soon be trying my hand at infant photography. I cant wait! Monday we'll be posing baby Rylan for some cutest pictures ever (I hope!). A friend that I work with has generously given her time to creating tiny baby coccoon's for Rylan to wear for his pictures... Now, I just need to find some props and we're set! I think Ill hit up some antique stores tomorrow for some old timey props...

Im currently trying my hand at egg incubation (the chicken variety). So far, a whopping failure. Hopefully, this time, we'll have some success...especially since the eggs arent cheap :) Its just so hard to get comfortable.

Im going to Colorado soon. Im flying (in a plane). I hate to fly. I especially hate to fly alone. But, I miss my Colorado peeps, and it will be absolutely wonderful to see them. And Wendy, even though shes a nebraska peep now. And, it'll be nice to meet Morgan.

I bought 3 quail. I set them up in a cute little cage out on the porch. I came inside, settled down in front of the computer and planned to sit in peace. Suddenly, I hear one of the cats choking. I jumped up and started looking behind the couch. I called for hubby, who in his best unexcited voice, informs me that all cats are accounted for. Then, im perplexed. Not a cat choking to death behind the couch... I hear it again... I look outside....I hear it again...and catch the quail doing it! Who knew that tiny little quail apparently "crow" all night long in the choking cat quail noise? Charming!! And, FREAKY! Oh well, its not so bad now...Ive blocked it out...much like a barking dog.

Looking very forward to the month of June! Lots of concerts and travelling :) So excited!

ive lost the will...

to blog. I feel boring and uninspired. I only have a couple things to share: 1)I want to say that its possible you love your dog TOO much when you insist that we allow you to sit in a dark (I mean VERY dark) exam room with your dog so it feels 'more at home', and even more over the top is when you insist the dr speaks with you in the very dark exam room. Thats just weird. 2)I feel like a little piece of my west virginia soul made its appearance yesterday. There was this man at work. Approx 6'3, dirty, long fingernails, smelled like booze and bud, and I thought he was SOOO HOT! lol. To the point that I blushed while trying to speak with him. Totally ridiculous. 3)Im bottle feeding a baby bunny. His name is Rachel Faith Rabbit. The dr on shift this weekend (named Rachel), was very negative and condemned little Rachel Faith to death long before anyone ever even tried. So, the bunny shares her name. It amuses me. There is, indeed, a high chance the bunny will die, though, as cottontail rehab is largely unsuccessful. Im trying though. Almost 72 hours strong!

3 little letters.

Our whole infertiliy world has revolved around 3 letters. The letters vary, but its still 3 letters. First, we dealt with PCO. Even though I dont fall under the 'umbrella' of true PCOS, my ovaries are polycystic, and it seems there is an increased chance of my eggs not reaching maturity.

My intial gynecologist gave us cycle after cycle of Clomid, with ineffectiveness. With furthur testing, we then find out we are struggling with MFI. We're still using CLomid, just a different application. Its costly, but not unbearably so.

We moved to IUI. 5 cycles of IUI. What an emotional roller coaster. Costly, both out of pocket and mentally. We spend 2 weeks being super hopeful, super motivated, excited, drugged up (lol), and positive. We have the IUI. Then, we spend 2 weeks doubting, unsure, emotional, scared, hopeful, scared to be hopeful. Its definitely a gamet of emotions and insecurities. You wonder is it worth it? Whats the toll on my relationship? Are WE going to be ok? Am I going to be ok? Are these drugs causing some sort of lasting effects that will ome back to haunt me in 30 years? Its so much every time!

Now, my dr's parting words today. I asked what was our next plan if today's IUI wasnt sucessful. As she pats me on the naked thigh, she says "IVF" with her best chipper voice. IVF? Wow. Thats 20 grand. We are the average american couple, living paycheck to paycheck. IVF costs anywhere from $14000 to $20000. WHo has that as spare change? I can raise it. I might be 40. Which is a whole nother group of odds! This is insane!

All this aside, Im excited! After our IUI's today and yesterday, I feel great! Im hoping for the best. Its still early on in the relationship that Ive formed with this 2 week wait, but so far, so good! Remaining positive is the only chance we have for sucess. Really.

This was long and rambl-ish, I apologize. Its just alot to think about, alot to consider. Im not ready to give up, not a chance! <3