Not Me monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


This Not Me! Monday! is going to focus on my Monday morning - Its possible that you could be traumatized. Its regarding sperm, so read on cautiously.

I'll give you a few lines to make up your mind....





OK, you've committed: This morning, we did not get up and go get our fingerprints taken care of for Foster care.

We did not manage to get all of our trash taken to the dump, no, that would be way tooo successful.

We did not figure out how much a semen analysis would cost us in order to get one done today. We then did not create a time sensitive sample in order to take to the lab.

Realizing that we need the sample there, in 40 minutes or less (and we live 40 minutes from the lab), I did not then FLY out of the driveway and get 2 miles down the road to only realize I didnt have the prescription. The precious sample did have to remain warm, so I did not use my cleavage. Nope, I for sure didnt. After flying at 80 MPH back to my driveway, sliding in through the gravel and slamming to a halt, racing inside, grabbing the prescription and taking the dog so off guard he couldnt even bark, I was on my way again. About 20 minutes into THE JOURNEY, I realized I had NO gas and the sample would go bad if I ran out. Dropped into a quick gas station to get ten bucks. I then did not proceed to pump gas with the precious sample in my not cleavage, either. I live in a friendly state. People want to chat. Southern ladies do NOT say (I actually DO mean that, I did not say it) the F bomb to complete strangers, so I had to politely decline to engage, all the while shielding the children from the cold air blasting them on one side. I looked less than friendly, and weird, shielding my boobs even though Im wearing a sweater.. although I was definitely sporting the 'cat got the creme' grin cause I was so amused with myself.

Side note: WHen I told my mom where I was keeping the sample, she did not screech "AAAHHh WHY DO YOU HAVE IT SO CLOSE TO YOUR FACE!"


Anyway, at 41 minutes, I race inside to get the sample to the people IMMEDIATELY. Lady was in SLLOOOOoOWWWW motion. I was anxious. I did not speak very rapidly at this woman in an attempt to get HER to speed up. I did not fill out my paperwork at lighting speed and shove it into her hand. (Dear lady, I hope you didnt get a papercut,sorry) When the sample collector arrived, I did not tell her that I was so nervous I nearly had a STROKE. Stroke? Really? Im dropping off an effin semen sample. STROKE?? I did not blush. Really. Much.

I explained that I was nervous due to the time constraints. They both laughed and then said, serious as can be, well honey, he could've just done it in the parking lot... LOL Seriously? OMG!

So, anyway, I made it in, just under the wire...while using my underwire(giggle). Looked lovingly at the sample and told them to take good care of em.

So glad we got that taken care of! Sorry honey, for telling this story, but I was so amused!