On the road again...

Concert coming up on Thursday! Im super excited! Its in CHatanooga at a cool new venue.


Hubby had his recheck appointment and it showed that the surgery worked. Im planning a may 2012 trip to Keywest, and at this point, Im fairly certain Ill be pregnant LOL

I heart faces photo!

Well, having a ton of puppies sure has its perks, especially when you think of this idea! These 5 week old German Shorthaired Pointers sure did look cute stacked onto this bench! Anybody need a puppy? Only 2 left :)

www.freewebs.com/gotembytheshorthairs

This photo was entered into the I Heart Faces photo challenge - www.iheartfaces.com

A lovely weekend of nothing

So, hubs and I spent a lovely weekend of mostly nothing. And by weekend, I mean mostly Saturday. And by nothing, I mean sleeping. Does this indicate that we're getting old and boring? By Sunday, I was ready to go to work, and so was he! Maybe we just arent sure what to do with each other since we dont often have tons of alone time, but its pretty ridiculous! I wanted to go on a trip somewhere and left him to do the planning. That turned into...sleeping on Saturday.

How do we fix this? Revitalize ourselves? Im at a loss. He seems to enjoy me more when Im gone and hes working. I dont even know. I enjoyed the weekend, but it seems we're never far away from our responsibilities. The house needs something, the car needs something, the dogs need something..you get the picture. Sometimes, I just wanna go somewhere with my husband and just BE WITH MY HUSBAND. No alarms at 4:30am. No whining puppies all night. Just be. It makes me sorta depressed that Im 28 years old and I have a 90 yaer old relationship.

no rest for the weary

Surgery

...went well!

Within 2 hours of leaving, John was trying to fight some man at a stop light. Id say he came through ok, attitude intact and everything! I hadnt slept at all the night before because I worked, so when I got settled into the waiting room, I PASSED OUT. Slept like a freaking baby. According to the attendant, John wouldnt let them wake me up. So, I got 4 hours of quality sleep propped against a couch. Woke up covered up with a blanket. I guess I looked cold.

Recheck appointment in a month, so we'll see if it was a real success. Im pretty stoked! Nervous, but definitely excited! Its gonna be wonderful!

(Honey, if we make a baby at the beach, does that mean we have to name her Myrtle or Sandy?? Or what if its a boy? Pier? Surf?)

Our house is a madhouse right now. We have 26 puppies in our bedroom. Dont. Ask.
We're planning to build a barn this year and set it up so the babies can go to the barn at 3 weeks. Once they're mobile, their risk of injury by the mother is way decreased. Just gotta have a better plan that puppies in the bedroom, cause HOLY COW. We look like we belong somewhere between the Hoarders TV show and Cruella Deville. lol.

thats all, folks!

When I was a boy.. (say it like Sean Connery..)

OK, well I was never really a boy, but thats one of my favorite lines.

Anyway, when I was a teenager and I finally got braces, I had a super nice orthodontist. He was funny and patient. He told me funny stories about his pup, a German Shorthaired Pointer. His funny stories helped shape my decision to add pointers to my own life. They were so adorable with their floppy ears, and obviously quite funny. Anyway, Ive always told people how I came to be a German SHorthaired Pointer owner.

Last night, this particular orthodontist and GSP were parted. His 13 year old canine companion passed away, and even though I never knew the pup personally, I felt so involved with him! I was heartbroken for the family. So, even though they'll probably never read this, my thoughts are with you! I am sorry for your loss.


John has surgery tomorrow. The big repair day! Im a nervous freaking wreck (sorry, honey!). I want to vomit and Ive thought of every reason why he shouldnt do it. They say its simple but Im scared to death! Scared. To. Death. I just cant imagine all the things that could happen, except, I could imagine them, and Ive about made myself sick over it. Focus. On. The. Positive. And, our cutest little baby that we will soon be sharing! (Soon is relative, it might be a year). Focus. FOcus. I love you, babe! <3

Ultrasound and dog vomit

So, today, the dog vomited in my truck. Twice. And, lucky me, it wasnt grass. She vomited up turds. Already turded out, reingested turds. I could've vomited myself. When you have 3 dogs running around in your truck, your window options are fairly limited, especially if you fear that a dog or 2 might leap out. So, I cracked the windows, cranked up the air and held my breath in 20 second intervals. GAG a freaking maggot!.. In the process of blocking out the smell, I must've blocked out everything becasue she ate the vomit before we arrived at our destination. So, if she pukes again...I cant even imagine. *shudder*.

On Monday we're having our 4th of July party. Im super excited, but super nervous. Ive never had a party before so Im mostly concerned about entertainment. Nervous!

Tuesday, John has an ultrasound. He was misdiagnosed and we're taking steps for repairing the issue. Hes facing some surgery, but hopefully not super complicated surgery! Im already nervous for him. Thats us in a nutshell!

Misdiagnosed

Its a possibility (and a probability) that we were misdiagnosed with a fertility issue.

Remember back when we had Captain Douche Bag at the family dr? Yeah, so he was angry he had to deal with it, charged us a ton for tests we didnt need, half assed his testicular exam, and Im almost POSITIVE he missed a varicocele. I called the urologist yesterday and made an appointment for June 24th and we'll be going and having a proper diagnosis at that time. If Im wrong, Ill be sad, but if Im right Ill be ELATED! Well, partially. Ill also be partially angry and partially sad about that, too, because we've missed so much time! But the opportunities are ENDLESS!!

Anyway, enough excitement for today... Thursday, Im going to a Country throwdown concert with Jamey Johnson. I cant wait! My wifey is going and some of our other friends. Its gonna be a throwdown, for sure!! <3

Tattoos

Im getting a tattoo!

I researched fertility symbols and came up with a kokopelli. Seems very fitting for me, personally, as it is not only the god of fertility, but the guardian of music and pranks. I want it to serve several purposes. A reminder to myself that a baby is on the horizon, and a future reminder to myself that when I have bratty teenagers, that this was something that I longed for so greatly, and so much emotional struggle and time went into this goal. Additionally, it will be my badge of honor and courage. People unfortunately quit on themselves more often than not. Its important to realize a problem must be approached from all angles, and if you continue to work for it, you'll get it! From a music standpoint, my kokopelli is holding a guitar created to look like Jamey's guitar. His music is sound that I admire so much, with so much depth and emotion.

I had been searching for an appropriate representation that wouldnt turn into a terrible representation in 20 years :) This seems to be it! Im super excited! I have no idea where I want to go, or how soon I want to do it, but im STOKED!!! Im also slightly needle phobic, so it should DEFINITELY make for an interesting experience...lol!

my future tattoo :) my daddy drew it!

So you want to take baby pictures? 7 important things you'll need!

What you will need:

1)A camera - either your own, or you may borrow one.

2)A baby - same applies, although a borrowed baby could get complicated if you break it or forget to return it...

3)some cute props. - I dont recommend glass, or anything that might cause splinters

4)Sedative - this is for the mother.

5)Yarn & someone to crochet - the coccoons and other various baby picture implements get expensive, if you know someone that can crochet or knit, you're set!!

6)Patience - Seriously.

7) A baby with flaccid neck muscles (this is the MOST important one!!)- one would think that a less than 10 day old-er would have little to no head control. The particular baby I used today in pictures is gonna be like a rapper or a whip lash test dummy or something. I couldnt pose him because of his amazing neck muscles. Im wondering if hes part pit bull!

So, I photographed my first baby today. Well, Ive done it before but never with the intention of stuffing a baby in some cute crochet(ed???) coccoon and taking pictures... I think it went pretty well. I took about 17o pictures and got about 30 that I really like ALOT. Im not anywhere even CLOSE to professional or even THAT skilled, but I like pictures, I like babies, and I like natural light. I worked with that and went with it.. Hope you like :) (mind you, only a small part of me hopes you like it...most of me realizes that I dont know you and it'll never matter..) KAH

Baby R & his proud big sister, M. <3



















My favorite!!

Trying my hand at various things..

Im going to soon be trying my hand at infant photography. I cant wait! Monday we'll be posing baby Rylan for some cutest pictures ever (I hope!). A friend that I work with has generously given her time to creating tiny baby coccoon's for Rylan to wear for his pictures... Now, I just need to find some props and we're set! I think Ill hit up some antique stores tomorrow for some old timey props...

Im currently trying my hand at egg incubation (the chicken variety). So far, a whopping failure. Hopefully, this time, we'll have some success...especially since the eggs arent cheap :) Its just so hard to get comfortable.

Im going to Colorado soon. Im flying (in a plane). I hate to fly. I especially hate to fly alone. But, I miss my Colorado peeps, and it will be absolutely wonderful to see them. And Wendy, even though shes a nebraska peep now. And, it'll be nice to meet Morgan.

I bought 3 quail. I set them up in a cute little cage out on the porch. I came inside, settled down in front of the computer and planned to sit in peace. Suddenly, I hear one of the cats choking. I jumped up and started looking behind the couch. I called for hubby, who in his best unexcited voice, informs me that all cats are accounted for. Then, im perplexed. Not a cat choking to death behind the couch... I hear it again... I look outside....I hear it again...and catch the quail doing it! Who knew that tiny little quail apparently "crow" all night long in the choking cat quail noise? Charming!! And, FREAKY! Oh well, its not so bad now...Ive blocked it out...much like a barking dog.

Looking very forward to the month of June! Lots of concerts and travelling :) So excited!

ive lost the will...

to blog. I feel boring and uninspired. I only have a couple things to share: 1)I want to say that its possible you love your dog TOO much when you insist that we allow you to sit in a dark (I mean VERY dark) exam room with your dog so it feels 'more at home', and even more over the top is when you insist the dr speaks with you in the very dark exam room. Thats just weird. 2)I feel like a little piece of my west virginia soul made its appearance yesterday. There was this man at work. Approx 6'3, dirty, long fingernails, smelled like booze and bud, and I thought he was SOOO HOT! lol. To the point that I blushed while trying to speak with him. Totally ridiculous. 3)Im bottle feeding a baby bunny. His name is Rachel Faith Rabbit. The dr on shift this weekend (named Rachel), was very negative and condemned little Rachel Faith to death long before anyone ever even tried. So, the bunny shares her name. It amuses me. There is, indeed, a high chance the bunny will die, though, as cottontail rehab is largely unsuccessful. Im trying though. Almost 72 hours strong!

3 little letters.

Our whole infertiliy world has revolved around 3 letters. The letters vary, but its still 3 letters. First, we dealt with PCO. Even though I dont fall under the 'umbrella' of true PCOS, my ovaries are polycystic, and it seems there is an increased chance of my eggs not reaching maturity.

My intial gynecologist gave us cycle after cycle of Clomid, with ineffectiveness. With furthur testing, we then find out we are struggling with MFI. We're still using CLomid, just a different application. Its costly, but not unbearably so.

We moved to IUI. 5 cycles of IUI. What an emotional roller coaster. Costly, both out of pocket and mentally. We spend 2 weeks being super hopeful, super motivated, excited, drugged up (lol), and positive. We have the IUI. Then, we spend 2 weeks doubting, unsure, emotional, scared, hopeful, scared to be hopeful. Its definitely a gamet of emotions and insecurities. You wonder is it worth it? Whats the toll on my relationship? Are WE going to be ok? Am I going to be ok? Are these drugs causing some sort of lasting effects that will ome back to haunt me in 30 years? Its so much every time!

Now, my dr's parting words today. I asked what was our next plan if today's IUI wasnt sucessful. As she pats me on the naked thigh, she says "IVF" with her best chipper voice. IVF? Wow. Thats 20 grand. We are the average american couple, living paycheck to paycheck. IVF costs anywhere from $14000 to $20000. WHo has that as spare change? I can raise it. I might be 40. Which is a whole nother group of odds! This is insane!

All this aside, Im excited! After our IUI's today and yesterday, I feel great! Im hoping for the best. Its still early on in the relationship that Ive formed with this 2 week wait, but so far, so good! Remaining positive is the only chance we have for sucess. Really.

This was long and rambl-ish, I apologize. Its just alot to think about, alot to consider. Im not ready to give up, not a chance! <3

This & That

So, my dad fell out of his tree stand - or off of his tree stand...or the tree stand fell out from under him...depends on who you ask. And, he broke his leg. A small break, but very painful. Luckily, thats all it was.

Puppies (8 of them, atleast) are 5 weeks old. Puppies (3 of them) are 3 weeks old. The size difference on the 3 week olds to the 5 week olds is nearly non-existant. The little litter is really the HUGE litter.

Waiting patiently on the goats to have babies. They may not even be pregnant, we wont know until they dont have babies. Or, until they do. Planning to send out pregnancy test bloodwork on the goats this upcoming week. Hoping for the best. The buck is still very young, and might be shooting blanks.

Waiting patiently on the chickens to lay eggs. This winter freeze on egg production is a tiny bit ridiculous. And expensive. They are no longer keeping up their end of the bargain, and we're gonna start drawing straws to see who gets eaten. Not really, but I have to talk tough.

I had a flat tire this morning. NOT amused. I made it about 40 feet down the road before I realized it was a flat. Then, in the heavy fog, I had to hurry and turn around and limp back to my driveway. Atleast it wasnt the middle of nowhere. -well, technically, it is, but you know what I mean.

Dad and I shopped today. He got to exercise his leg, I got to drive his truck. Very slowly.

A friend of mine who has struggled for 4+ years with infertility, delivered a beautiful and healthy baby girl this past week. I am so happy for her. 98% of my heart is overjoyed for her success and her happiness, and 2% is very sad that it still wasnt me. She gets this. And, her baby truly is beautiful.

A girl at work is pregnant. She doesnt get it. She is choosing to still smoke. It makes me crazy, and hurts my heart. I would love to be pregnant. And, I certainly wouldnt smoke.

Now, off to the spay neuter clinic to pick up yet another (now) neutered kitty. Good times.

Peace out <3

Infertility is a shit sandwich.

Just so you know.

No matter whos side holds the "card", it sucks for everyone. Both parties involved suffer.
When you are a kid and you dream of your future, somehow, nobody ever imagines the doctor say Oh guess what? You're gonna need a lot of help to reproduce!. I come from a long line of breeders. So does my husband :) The thought never even crossed our minds. Thats all I had for today. I just wish things could be simpler. We were supposed to start our IUI cycle again this month, but when the pharmacy called, they quoted us $967 JUST for the injectable medication. Lots of other medications go along with it, as well as the actual procedure. We are unsure of our insurance coverage at this point, so we decided to wait it out for a month, so we can get Christmas firmly behind us.

As a side note, I had a wonderful Christmas. Hubs got me a new laptop with WINDOWS (which, until you try Ubuntu, you cant fully appreciate windows, trust me), AND a kodak gallery, which means I can once again edit, publish, print..whatever I want, with all my pictures. Im STOKED! Mom got me a new camera (Kodak Z981), 26x optical zoom, 14mp.. And, I cant WAIT to really take some pictures. Its incredible. I had a wonderful, wonderful Christmas....but I think I mightve mentioned that. With all this mention of Kodak, they should start paying me.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day! - K

A pretty cool cat err..goat!

I always get sooo excited when I heart faces does a pet theme!! I love taking pictures, but I REALLY love photographing my animals. I dont think this picture is going to win any awards, but it makes MY day better to see it, and I definitely need a dose of better day.

This is my goat, Maybel. She is a nearly 2 year old Saanen doe.

(doe, a goat, a female goat..)

Our plan for Maybel was to enjoy some quality goat milk. What I didnt realize when I excitedly picked her out was goat season is the spring, and when you get a goat in the summer that doesnt have any milk, it wont miraculously DEVELOP milk. I was saddened by this, so we spent our free non-goat-milking time bonding with sweet Maybel. As an extra fun thing, shes very tolerant of what we dress her in, and she CRACKS me up when she wears sunglasses. My husband has to hold them on her head, because, well, her ears are sorta weird (no offense to anyone with weird ears), but she totally doesnt mind! ADORABLE! And makes just about anyone smile :) Enjoy! And, since this week is the pets week over at I heart faces, head on over to their blog and check out some pretty amazing photographs!!

I know a man who drinks beer.

Seems relatively benign, I suppose. He is a warm man, with love and laughter. He is a hard worker, to a fault even. He is tolerant. He is fairly easy going. He is mostly non-confrontational. He snuggles like no other. He warms up the bed when its super cold. Sounds wonderful, right? Well, it is, except he is a husband, too. A husband that has a sperm count problem. A count which, to date, has prevented the couple from fulfiling our dream their dream of becoming a parent. A count which they have spent money trying to correct. A count which has cause the wife mental anguish, sadness, fear of the future, dismay, depression, anger...

Seems easy to correct, right? One truly invested in the baby making business, a husband that truly wanted to produce a family with his wife would simply say 'No beer for me!". Especially when his wife has come to him numerous times, in anger, in sadness, in pleading, to please stop drinking beer. Even if its only one. Documentation shows that even one beer is harmful. This man is intelligent. He can read up on the negative effects of having a sperm donor. He can spout off reasons why having a child from a donor would be harmful for the child and the future family. He says all this with conviction, with fear, with anger.

Additionally, he forgets to take his medication. When he is reminded, and the wife admits, she reminds angrily (there isnt much rope left!), to take the medication, he can never be at fault. It is HER fault that she forgot to remind him.

What I want to tell this wife is simple, but hard to hear. The signs are clear. The husband isnt interested in being more than a husband. No "daddy" in his future. Im not sure how she will handle this information.

Im not sure she'll be ok.

A question asked by 99% of men who have been diagnosed as having infertility problems, is does alcohol effect sperm?

The truth of the matter regarding alcohol and sperm produciton is that it does have a negative effect on a mans ability to father a child.

The effects of drinking alcohol causes a noticeable decrease in sperm count, as well contributing to an increase in abnormal sperm and lowering the proportion of motile sperm. Alcohol also drastically inhibits the bodies absorption of zinc, which is one of the most important minerals relating to male fertility.

Research has shown that the more alcohol a man consumes the bigger the effect it has on his ability to produce quality sperm. For those many men out there who have fertility problems, your alcohol intake doesn’t just need to be reduced, but must be totally eliminated. By doing so it will increase your chances of being able to father a child. For those men that truly want to improve their sperm produciton to the level where they can father a child giving up the booze isn’t too big a hardship.

We're having...puppies!!

Puppies are due dec 8! Confirmed the litter via ultrasound last night. So excited!!

I want to write about church.

I used to go to church. Religiously (pun intended). Every time the doors were open, we were there. Wednesday, twice on sunday, and atleast 5 days one week out of the year (gospel meetings, ya know). I never resented church. I always quite liked it. I think though, in my adult wisdom, Ive learned that I really enjoyed SOCIALIZING, and never quite grasped CHURCH. I havent been in quite some time now, probably close to over a year, and when I consider going, I realize Im looking forward to seeing this person, or that person, and being able to spend time with them. I realize church is about God, of course, but I also think it IS supposed to offer a support group, people to lean on, people that make you happy. Maybe that IS God. For all I know, it is. I just know, I live life. I live full, happy, life. I do sorta allow myself to be governed by the ruling body known as "the seat of my pants", but I spend my money doing good things for others, I spend my thinking time solving problems for others, and I have a genuine wish to do good THINGS for others. Maybe THAT is God. I cant be sure.

I also sometimes wonder at the relationships I formed with certain members of the church. I love easily, and I am fierce with it. I had 2 friends in the church that I loved fiercly. Now that I havent been a 'stable' member of their church group, I barely even see them. If they, too, loved me, would there really be this division? I havent changed who I am, Im not a bad person, I just no longer 'conform' to their ideals of a churchy gal. The only change is when the doors open, Im absent. We have lived 7 miles apart for nearly 3 years, and they've been to my home ONCE. In that same time period, they've probably called ME...8 times. I call them, semi regularly, for short, clipped conversations, because, well, I miss them. But, I fear that in order to see them more, I have to change who I am, and Im just not thinking thats a love-love relationship. I am saddened by this. Makes me think that the happy glowing visions of the church I once had were a facade, as well. Perhaps made MORE glowing by the relationship I shared with those individuals. I guess what I did take away from church is lead by example, and that example shouts 'SHUN THOSE UNLIKE YOU". Sounds peachy to me. I know they had/have love, Im just not sure if that love encompasses the image they wanted me to present, or ME.

I think the church is judgemental. Maybe not ALL churches, but the one I attended certainly is. I know people who have actually been CHURCHED by this church, for not following God's word. They were told of their unwelcomness back into the flock because of lack of attendance, or living arrangements with their significant others, or the way they tied their shoes (ok, I made that one up)...which is great, but that seems a little trite. Seems more akin to debtors prison. If one is locked away in prison, how will one repay one's debt? Sorta like, if one is discouraged- no, TOLD not to return, how will one ever be in God's favor? How will somebody ever learn the lesson's of God's grace, God's will, and the basic values that the church teaches if they are told not to return? Who are WE to judge someones ethics, character, morals, and path? And a letter telling someone not to return, for WHATEVER reason, smacks of judgement, smacks of piousness, and sounds alot like, well,...God. And since God aint writing no letters, must be a mortal man doing it. A man that is a sinner. A man, himself, who is saved by God's grace. Who learned of that grace by making mistakes, doing things wrong, and learning of the right way. And, furthermore, since God didnt speak to any of them directly, they must be making those calls on their own. Pretty sure the boss aint gonna like that.

Im waiting on MY letter.


I cant be sure what even started this topic in my head tonight, or if this flows and makes sense. All I know, I wanted to share and I did. So there. Its 5:15 in the morning. This might all make no sense whatsoever. Just realize, I havent had sleep yet. Goodnight <3