my handsome boys..

My nerves are in a bundle (get it, bundle of nerves? haha)

So, it occurred to me that we are supposed to start the process again in about 2 weeks! That makes me extremely nervous! I want this to work SO badly. AND it seems that every time I find someone to have some common ground wth regarding the fertility stuff, they find out they are pregnant. Maybe I should post an ad. "I want to be YOUR common ground friend" and then I too will get pregnant. lol. Think that will work? Yeah, probably not. John's theory is that if he buys a mustang I'll get pregnant. Yeah, probably not. He just really wants a mustang. What he doesnt realize is that if he buys a stupid car, he'll spend all his time working on it and then I for SURE wont get pregnant, because its somewhat required for me to be in the same place at the same time for atleast 5 minutes a day lol. He'll rig up some sort of under car contraption for me, no doubt. Great mental image.

I did find donor lists online. Who knew you could shop for donors by hair color, eye color, height, weight and interests. One did stand out to me. Im sure people are clamoring to use the swimmers of the 6' tall man that is interested in cooking, reading, drinking wine, and shopping. Thats every womans dream! Except those types are usually some man's dream as well :) This offers them the opportunity to use rare sperm.

At any rate, I was just foolin around cause John doesnt want to go that route quite yet. Maybe never, but Im sure he wouldnt be that cruel if it came down to it. Plus, Im not sure I could NOT do it, if that was the last opportunity.

On other news, my papaw had his CT scan done last monday, and we're still waiting to hear the results. They were checking to see if hardening of the liver still existed. They will also be able to tell where the cancer is now. He's been using holistic treatment for the cancer, using a salve to draw out tumors. It appears to be working - something comes out. I am so nervous to find out, but cant wait to see what it shows. I am so worried about him. Its hard when one of your favorite people in the whole world is stricken with cancer. Its even harder when that person is strong, healthy, vibrant, funny, and very much alive.

I dont think I actually have anything super positive to tell. Weight watchers is going... I lost 1.8 the first week, then due to my silliness in eating bbq, I gained 0.8 the next. Now, Im skipping weighing in for this week because I want to have a week of the gym under my belt first. (Oh yeah, Im joining the gym tomorrow). Thats about all I have. k. Thanks. Peace out.

Turns out...

I can be nice again :) lol. Im off this Saturday. I was originally intending to go to Ohio for a concert, but Ive decided that instead, Im going to spend the weekend here at home, spending time with my hubby. We're going boating (supposedly) and to a race (supposedly), and to dinner (maybe), and who knows what else. I do plan to assist my parents in their verizon join up. Im so proud :) John and I have had verizon for 10 years, and my parents have had..well..every other phone company. Im very excited that they are finally coming over to the dark side. I think they'll be pleased :)

25 days a month

25 days a month, I can giggle and be happy.
25 days a month, I can laugh and pretend.
25 days a month, I can ignore the fact that I have been unable to concieve.
25 days a month, I enjoy the people around me.
25 days a month, I can be hopeful.
25 days a month, I can say all the right things.
25 days a month, I can focus and be successful.

5 days a month, I am sad.
5 days a month, I am reminded of my failure.
5 days a month, I wish things were different.
5 days a month, I want to go away.
5 days a month, I am a bitch.

I joined weight watchers -

Update: I lost 1.6lbs. Not alot, but its a start, I suppose. John was very supportive.. NOT.. lol. Poor guy.

Im one week in. I spent day #1 of weight watchers eating seafood (really, though, i joined at 5:30, the day was already a waste). So, im curious to see how well i did this week. Ill update when I weigh in (weigh in is at...yep, you guessed it, 5:30...). Til then :)