A pretty cool cat err..goat!

I always get sooo excited when I heart faces does a pet theme!! I love taking pictures, but I REALLY love photographing my animals. I dont think this picture is going to win any awards, but it makes MY day better to see it, and I definitely need a dose of better day.

This is my goat, Maybel. She is a nearly 2 year old Saanen doe.

(doe, a goat, a female goat..)

Our plan for Maybel was to enjoy some quality goat milk. What I didnt realize when I excitedly picked her out was goat season is the spring, and when you get a goat in the summer that doesnt have any milk, it wont miraculously DEVELOP milk. I was saddened by this, so we spent our free non-goat-milking time bonding with sweet Maybel. As an extra fun thing, shes very tolerant of what we dress her in, and she CRACKS me up when she wears sunglasses. My husband has to hold them on her head, because, well, her ears are sorta weird (no offense to anyone with weird ears), but she totally doesnt mind! ADORABLE! And makes just about anyone smile :) Enjoy! And, since this week is the pets week over at I heart faces, head on over to their blog and check out some pretty amazing photographs!!

I know a man who drinks beer.

Seems relatively benign, I suppose. He is a warm man, with love and laughter. He is a hard worker, to a fault even. He is tolerant. He is fairly easy going. He is mostly non-confrontational. He snuggles like no other. He warms up the bed when its super cold. Sounds wonderful, right? Well, it is, except he is a husband, too. A husband that has a sperm count problem. A count which, to date, has prevented the couple from fulfiling our dream their dream of becoming a parent. A count which they have spent money trying to correct. A count which has cause the wife mental anguish, sadness, fear of the future, dismay, depression, anger...

Seems easy to correct, right? One truly invested in the baby making business, a husband that truly wanted to produce a family with his wife would simply say 'No beer for me!". Especially when his wife has come to him numerous times, in anger, in sadness, in pleading, to please stop drinking beer. Even if its only one. Documentation shows that even one beer is harmful. This man is intelligent. He can read up on the negative effects of having a sperm donor. He can spout off reasons why having a child from a donor would be harmful for the child and the future family. He says all this with conviction, with fear, with anger.

Additionally, he forgets to take his medication. When he is reminded, and the wife admits, she reminds angrily (there isnt much rope left!), to take the medication, he can never be at fault. It is HER fault that she forgot to remind him.

What I want to tell this wife is simple, but hard to hear. The signs are clear. The husband isnt interested in being more than a husband. No "daddy" in his future. Im not sure how she will handle this information.

Im not sure she'll be ok.

A question asked by 99% of men who have been diagnosed as having infertility problems, is does alcohol effect sperm?

The truth of the matter regarding alcohol and sperm produciton is that it does have a negative effect on a mans ability to father a child.

The effects of drinking alcohol causes a noticeable decrease in sperm count, as well contributing to an increase in abnormal sperm and lowering the proportion of motile sperm. Alcohol also drastically inhibits the bodies absorption of zinc, which is one of the most important minerals relating to male fertility.

Research has shown that the more alcohol a man consumes the bigger the effect it has on his ability to produce quality sperm. For those many men out there who have fertility problems, your alcohol intake doesn’t just need to be reduced, but must be totally eliminated. By doing so it will increase your chances of being able to father a child. For those men that truly want to improve their sperm produciton to the level where they can father a child giving up the booze isn’t too big a hardship.

We're having...puppies!!

Puppies are due dec 8! Confirmed the litter via ultrasound last night. So excited!!

I want to write about church.

I used to go to church. Religiously (pun intended). Every time the doors were open, we were there. Wednesday, twice on sunday, and atleast 5 days one week out of the year (gospel meetings, ya know). I never resented church. I always quite liked it. I think though, in my adult wisdom, Ive learned that I really enjoyed SOCIALIZING, and never quite grasped CHURCH. I havent been in quite some time now, probably close to over a year, and when I consider going, I realize Im looking forward to seeing this person, or that person, and being able to spend time with them. I realize church is about God, of course, but I also think it IS supposed to offer a support group, people to lean on, people that make you happy. Maybe that IS God. For all I know, it is. I just know, I live life. I live full, happy, life. I do sorta allow myself to be governed by the ruling body known as "the seat of my pants", but I spend my money doing good things for others, I spend my thinking time solving problems for others, and I have a genuine wish to do good THINGS for others. Maybe THAT is God. I cant be sure.

I also sometimes wonder at the relationships I formed with certain members of the church. I love easily, and I am fierce with it. I had 2 friends in the church that I loved fiercly. Now that I havent been a 'stable' member of their church group, I barely even see them. If they, too, loved me, would there really be this division? I havent changed who I am, Im not a bad person, I just no longer 'conform' to their ideals of a churchy gal. The only change is when the doors open, Im absent. We have lived 7 miles apart for nearly 3 years, and they've been to my home ONCE. In that same time period, they've probably called ME...8 times. I call them, semi regularly, for short, clipped conversations, because, well, I miss them. But, I fear that in order to see them more, I have to change who I am, and Im just not thinking thats a love-love relationship. I am saddened by this. Makes me think that the happy glowing visions of the church I once had were a facade, as well. Perhaps made MORE glowing by the relationship I shared with those individuals. I guess what I did take away from church is lead by example, and that example shouts 'SHUN THOSE UNLIKE YOU". Sounds peachy to me. I know they had/have love, Im just not sure if that love encompasses the image they wanted me to present, or ME.

I think the church is judgemental. Maybe not ALL churches, but the one I attended certainly is. I know people who have actually been CHURCHED by this church, for not following God's word. They were told of their unwelcomness back into the flock because of lack of attendance, or living arrangements with their significant others, or the way they tied their shoes (ok, I made that one up)...which is great, but that seems a little trite. Seems more akin to debtors prison. If one is locked away in prison, how will one repay one's debt? Sorta like, if one is discouraged- no, TOLD not to return, how will one ever be in God's favor? How will somebody ever learn the lesson's of God's grace, God's will, and the basic values that the church teaches if they are told not to return? Who are WE to judge someones ethics, character, morals, and path? And a letter telling someone not to return, for WHATEVER reason, smacks of judgement, smacks of piousness, and sounds alot like, well,...God. And since God aint writing no letters, must be a mortal man doing it. A man that is a sinner. A man, himself, who is saved by God's grace. Who learned of that grace by making mistakes, doing things wrong, and learning of the right way. And, furthermore, since God didnt speak to any of them directly, they must be making those calls on their own. Pretty sure the boss aint gonna like that.

Im waiting on MY letter.


I cant be sure what even started this topic in my head tonight, or if this flows and makes sense. All I know, I wanted to share and I did. So there. Its 5:15 in the morning. This might all make no sense whatsoever. Just realize, I havent had sleep yet. Goodnight <3

Early morning sightings..

So, Monday morning when I was headed home from work (around 6:40am), after working all freaking night, I was exhausted. And slightly retarded. I turned onto my road, and saw a pair of dogs sitting there, off to the side. These dogs are constantly around, and ive grown as attached as a passerby can be to the cute little creatures (its a condition I suffer from - I care about all dogs, regardless if they are mine)
Anyway, as I drive by, it looks like one dog has been hit by a car and killed, and the other is hosting vigil by his side. I was saddened by this, so I planned to confirm it, then tell the owners. I turned around, started driving back by, but as I got close, a car came up behind me, and I had to continue on. All I confirmed was that the white dog was sitting beside his dead brown friend. I did another U-turn and came back. When I approached, all was clear behind me, so I rolled my window down (its still dark, mind you), and slowed to a halt in front of this sad dog and his dead friend. Tears are filling my eyes, at this point, just thinking how sad mr white dog must be that his brown dog friend has been killed. Once my eyes focus, I realize that Mr White dog is in fact sitting there...but hes EATING a dead DEER, not mourning the loss of brown dog friend. I was so disgusted I yelled at him, and sped off.

I ordered another bottle of hcg.  It kills me but its effective.  This time, I have to make it work!   So, as soon as it gets here, I'm back on the hell diet.  Lol.  And ill be vlogging again.  It keeps me honest.  I guess.

Road trip

I road tripped to Indiana. The first time we went, last week, was great. John went with and it was a lovely trip. This time, not so much. Im sleepy. Im probably stinky and I need a nap.

We have a recheck appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist next month. Im excited to see what that shows us :) John has been supposedly taking his medication so it should be wonderful! Good times! Our next IUI is in December