Internalizing.

So, its taken me some time to realize this is actually whats happening. Its foreign to me, I talk about EVERYTHING. Literally, there isnt much I wont touch on. Anything from what we had for breakfast to strange places Ive found toilet paper...Its all fair game. It occurred to me, however, that I am completely reticent to speak about whats going on in the foster care classes (MAPP). They are completely overwhelming to me! We've talked about poor kids with cigarette burns on their backs (and they are 18 months old), poor kids who've been so sexually abused they cant socialize in public without nervously masturbating. Poor kids who eat ramen noodles that their 5 year old big sister warms up for them in the sink. Kids that sleep on the floor because their parents take the bed. Kids that know about porn and 5 year old kids that know how to make a bottle for their 6 month old little sister. Its terrible. I could sit in a ball and cry for days. Or, I can visualize myself stabbing their ignorant parents in the eyes with hot rods.

I, myself, need to run away, and I cant imagine how these lost children feel! I am so scared, but so very thankful that life has lead us in this direction. I have an amazing urge to make an impact on these kids. Its making me violent because I need it to be happening now. Ive wanted to fight since we've started it. Im not interested in ANYONEs negative opinion. Anyone. I mean that. I get it, we get it. Its scary, inevitably, our hearts will suffer, our home will suffer, and our life will suffer. We get it. Its ours though, to throw into this, completely. In advance, I apologize to our family and friends. They too, will be involved, and they too will suffer broken hearts, but hopefully, we mean enough to all of you to give it a shot, with us. Side by side. Not only will we go through hard times, but we will hear laughter, and playing and happy sounds and happy times, I cant wait to be the people that expose a child to a puppy for the first time, or takes a child to the zoo for the first time, or the beach, or to visit a family that feeds him/her and holds him and loves him, and gives him attention because he/she is adorable, not because they can now get a beer out of the fridge. Amazing prospect. Truly humbling.

Ok, this is all over the place. Im sorry. I had alot to say, cause, after all, ive been internalizing.

And then, as a special haha for a friend of mine (true story):
A man came to my house today. From far away, he looked like you. Then, his name was Daniel. My dog bit his calf. He lied and said it didnt happen. He was bleeding.

Ok, random enough for ya'll? Love ya :) -k