Infertility is a shit sandwich.

Just so you know.

No matter whos side holds the "card", it sucks for everyone. Both parties involved suffer.
When you are a kid and you dream of your future, somehow, nobody ever imagines the doctor say Oh guess what? You're gonna need a lot of help to reproduce!. I come from a long line of breeders. So does my husband :) The thought never even crossed our minds. Thats all I had for today. I just wish things could be simpler. We were supposed to start our IUI cycle again this month, but when the pharmacy called, they quoted us $967 JUST for the injectable medication. Lots of other medications go along with it, as well as the actual procedure. We are unsure of our insurance coverage at this point, so we decided to wait it out for a month, so we can get Christmas firmly behind us.

As a side note, I had a wonderful Christmas. Hubs got me a new laptop with WINDOWS (which, until you try Ubuntu, you cant fully appreciate windows, trust me), AND a kodak gallery, which means I can once again edit, publish, print..whatever I want, with all my pictures. Im STOKED! Mom got me a new camera (Kodak Z981), 26x optical zoom, 14mp.. And, I cant WAIT to really take some pictures. Its incredible. I had a wonderful, wonderful Christmas....but I think I mightve mentioned that. With all this mention of Kodak, they should start paying me.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day! - K

A pretty cool cat err..goat!

I always get sooo excited when I heart faces does a pet theme!! I love taking pictures, but I REALLY love photographing my animals. I dont think this picture is going to win any awards, but it makes MY day better to see it, and I definitely need a dose of better day.

This is my goat, Maybel. She is a nearly 2 year old Saanen doe.

(doe, a goat, a female goat..)

Our plan for Maybel was to enjoy some quality goat milk. What I didnt realize when I excitedly picked her out was goat season is the spring, and when you get a goat in the summer that doesnt have any milk, it wont miraculously DEVELOP milk. I was saddened by this, so we spent our free non-goat-milking time bonding with sweet Maybel. As an extra fun thing, shes very tolerant of what we dress her in, and she CRACKS me up when she wears sunglasses. My husband has to hold them on her head, because, well, her ears are sorta weird (no offense to anyone with weird ears), but she totally doesnt mind! ADORABLE! And makes just about anyone smile :) Enjoy! And, since this week is the pets week over at I heart faces, head on over to their blog and check out some pretty amazing photographs!!

I know a man who drinks beer.

Seems relatively benign, I suppose. He is a warm man, with love and laughter. He is a hard worker, to a fault even. He is tolerant. He is fairly easy going. He is mostly non-confrontational. He snuggles like no other. He warms up the bed when its super cold. Sounds wonderful, right? Well, it is, except he is a husband, too. A husband that has a sperm count problem. A count which, to date, has prevented the couple from fulfiling our dream their dream of becoming a parent. A count which they have spent money trying to correct. A count which has cause the wife mental anguish, sadness, fear of the future, dismay, depression, anger...

Seems easy to correct, right? One truly invested in the baby making business, a husband that truly wanted to produce a family with his wife would simply say 'No beer for me!". Especially when his wife has come to him numerous times, in anger, in sadness, in pleading, to please stop drinking beer. Even if its only one. Documentation shows that even one beer is harmful. This man is intelligent. He can read up on the negative effects of having a sperm donor. He can spout off reasons why having a child from a donor would be harmful for the child and the future family. He says all this with conviction, with fear, with anger.

Additionally, he forgets to take his medication. When he is reminded, and the wife admits, she reminds angrily (there isnt much rope left!), to take the medication, he can never be at fault. It is HER fault that she forgot to remind him.

What I want to tell this wife is simple, but hard to hear. The signs are clear. The husband isnt interested in being more than a husband. No "daddy" in his future. Im not sure how she will handle this information.

Im not sure she'll be ok.

A question asked by 99% of men who have been diagnosed as having infertility problems, is does alcohol effect sperm?

The truth of the matter regarding alcohol and sperm produciton is that it does have a negative effect on a mans ability to father a child.

The effects of drinking alcohol causes a noticeable decrease in sperm count, as well contributing to an increase in abnormal sperm and lowering the proportion of motile sperm. Alcohol also drastically inhibits the bodies absorption of zinc, which is one of the most important minerals relating to male fertility.

Research has shown that the more alcohol a man consumes the bigger the effect it has on his ability to produce quality sperm. For those many men out there who have fertility problems, your alcohol intake doesn’t just need to be reduced, but must be totally eliminated. By doing so it will increase your chances of being able to father a child. For those men that truly want to improve their sperm produciton to the level where they can father a child giving up the booze isn’t too big a hardship.

We're having...puppies!!

Puppies are due dec 8! Confirmed the litter via ultrasound last night. So excited!!

I want to write about church.

I used to go to church. Religiously (pun intended). Every time the doors were open, we were there. Wednesday, twice on sunday, and atleast 5 days one week out of the year (gospel meetings, ya know). I never resented church. I always quite liked it. I think though, in my adult wisdom, Ive learned that I really enjoyed SOCIALIZING, and never quite grasped CHURCH. I havent been in quite some time now, probably close to over a year, and when I consider going, I realize Im looking forward to seeing this person, or that person, and being able to spend time with them. I realize church is about God, of course, but I also think it IS supposed to offer a support group, people to lean on, people that make you happy. Maybe that IS God. For all I know, it is. I just know, I live life. I live full, happy, life. I do sorta allow myself to be governed by the ruling body known as "the seat of my pants", but I spend my money doing good things for others, I spend my thinking time solving problems for others, and I have a genuine wish to do good THINGS for others. Maybe THAT is God. I cant be sure.

I also sometimes wonder at the relationships I formed with certain members of the church. I love easily, and I am fierce with it. I had 2 friends in the church that I loved fiercly. Now that I havent been a 'stable' member of their church group, I barely even see them. If they, too, loved me, would there really be this division? I havent changed who I am, Im not a bad person, I just no longer 'conform' to their ideals of a churchy gal. The only change is when the doors open, Im absent. We have lived 7 miles apart for nearly 3 years, and they've been to my home ONCE. In that same time period, they've probably called ME...8 times. I call them, semi regularly, for short, clipped conversations, because, well, I miss them. But, I fear that in order to see them more, I have to change who I am, and Im just not thinking thats a love-love relationship. I am saddened by this. Makes me think that the happy glowing visions of the church I once had were a facade, as well. Perhaps made MORE glowing by the relationship I shared with those individuals. I guess what I did take away from church is lead by example, and that example shouts 'SHUN THOSE UNLIKE YOU". Sounds peachy to me. I know they had/have love, Im just not sure if that love encompasses the image they wanted me to present, or ME.

I think the church is judgemental. Maybe not ALL churches, but the one I attended certainly is. I know people who have actually been CHURCHED by this church, for not following God's word. They were told of their unwelcomness back into the flock because of lack of attendance, or living arrangements with their significant others, or the way they tied their shoes (ok, I made that one up)...which is great, but that seems a little trite. Seems more akin to debtors prison. If one is locked away in prison, how will one repay one's debt? Sorta like, if one is discouraged- no, TOLD not to return, how will one ever be in God's favor? How will somebody ever learn the lesson's of God's grace, God's will, and the basic values that the church teaches if they are told not to return? Who are WE to judge someones ethics, character, morals, and path? And a letter telling someone not to return, for WHATEVER reason, smacks of judgement, smacks of piousness, and sounds alot like, well,...God. And since God aint writing no letters, must be a mortal man doing it. A man that is a sinner. A man, himself, who is saved by God's grace. Who learned of that grace by making mistakes, doing things wrong, and learning of the right way. And, furthermore, since God didnt speak to any of them directly, they must be making those calls on their own. Pretty sure the boss aint gonna like that.

Im waiting on MY letter.


I cant be sure what even started this topic in my head tonight, or if this flows and makes sense. All I know, I wanted to share and I did. So there. Its 5:15 in the morning. This might all make no sense whatsoever. Just realize, I havent had sleep yet. Goodnight <3

Early morning sightings..

So, Monday morning when I was headed home from work (around 6:40am), after working all freaking night, I was exhausted. And slightly retarded. I turned onto my road, and saw a pair of dogs sitting there, off to the side. These dogs are constantly around, and ive grown as attached as a passerby can be to the cute little creatures (its a condition I suffer from - I care about all dogs, regardless if they are mine)
Anyway, as I drive by, it looks like one dog has been hit by a car and killed, and the other is hosting vigil by his side. I was saddened by this, so I planned to confirm it, then tell the owners. I turned around, started driving back by, but as I got close, a car came up behind me, and I had to continue on. All I confirmed was that the white dog was sitting beside his dead brown friend. I did another U-turn and came back. When I approached, all was clear behind me, so I rolled my window down (its still dark, mind you), and slowed to a halt in front of this sad dog and his dead friend. Tears are filling my eyes, at this point, just thinking how sad mr white dog must be that his brown dog friend has been killed. Once my eyes focus, I realize that Mr White dog is in fact sitting there...but hes EATING a dead DEER, not mourning the loss of brown dog friend. I was so disgusted I yelled at him, and sped off.

I ordered another bottle of hcg.  It kills me but its effective.  This time, I have to make it work!   So, as soon as it gets here, I'm back on the hell diet.  Lol.  And ill be vlogging again.  It keeps me honest.  I guess.

Road trip

I road tripped to Indiana. The first time we went, last week, was great. John went with and it was a lovely trip. This time, not so much. Im sleepy. Im probably stinky and I need a nap.

We have a recheck appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist next month. Im excited to see what that shows us :) John has been supposedly taking his medication so it should be wonderful! Good times! Our next IUI is in December

Comments are a plague, apparently

So, I have a tracker on my blog. I see what cities show up when people arrive. I can make assumptions regarding who those people are, but I never know for sure. The reason that I never know because NOBODY EVER FREAKING COMMENTS!!! Pretend that the comment section is like a collection cup. For the bathroom attendant. The friendly lady that smiles and shows you to the empty bathroom stall. COmments are like nickels and dimes. Someone...just tip the bathroom attendant!

Now that we've cleared that up. Moving on.

Papaw is sick. I am mostly trying to block it out, since there is nothing I can do. This is hard for me to admit. I am a problem solver. A fixer. Short of finding a vampire for vampire blood healing abilities, I cant solve this one. It scares me. I love him. He is one of my most favorite people in my whole life. Truly. He taught me and was patient, yelled at me when I was obnoxious (that was very, very rarely, might I add), microwaved my bacon for breakfast, showed me baby birds in the nest, brought me robin eggs to look at and learn about, got me a pony, indulged me when I wanted to "drive" at age 8, shared his coffee with me, taught me how to shoot, brought me turtles on Saturday morning. He is our Santa Claus. We waited all year on Santa to call. He sings to me on my birthday. He saves me chicken magazines and sends me information on becoming a veterinarian. He pranks me and mocks me. He is love. I love him. And, as much as I am struggling with him declining, I feel the most upset for my mom. He is her dad. I cant imagine if my dad were ill and I was helpless. I doubly (is that possible?) cannot imagine if my dad were ill and I had in depth medical knowledge about his signs and symptoms. What he was experiencing and what he was likely to experience. Ignorance is bliss. Wonderful, sweet bliss. I feel super helpless because not only can I not solve papaw's problem, I cannot solve it for Mom, either. So, we'll walk along down this path, full of angst, unresolve, fear, and sadness.

We'll try to keep our chins up, because, after all, Papaw is. He is probably holding it together better than all of us :)


We have an appointment on Friday with the Reproductive Endocrinologist for furthur information and options. I am nervous but looking forward to hearing what she has to say. We have ultimately decided that In Vitro is for us. Now, its possible she'll have some amazing super wonderful fantastic idea on Friday, but we're probably heading the in vitro route. We need $20,000 to make that happen. Our plan is to utilize Dave Ramsey workshops and learn a real budget. We waste alot of money a month (unfortunately not $20,000) and hope to be able to reach our goal fairly quickly (8-12 months). I dont feel like following this route is something that we want to BORROW money to complete. If something happens and it fails, we would resent the money owed. I think its best to pay it up front. Im also nervous, because the issue is not with me. Im envisioning 3 cutest little embryos being implanted, and 6 little babies coming out - can they still split after implanting? And, lets be honest, even 3 cutest little babies would scare the bejeezus out of us. (well, me, anyway, John would go into total shut down). Seems only fitting that we have multiple children at once, we ask that of our dogs :) Only difference, we wont sell the babies at 8 weeks! At any rate, my face is breaking out like a teenager. The stress of the last few weeks has been unreal. I feel like im 14 again. Hormonal, zitty, and whiny. I could definitely be 14. Or menopausal, from what I hear. LOL. Hope ya'll are well.

This & That...

Georgia is growing up! I spent the day with baby G & her momma today, learning about farriers. And barn floors. And taking naps with a baby on you when its 95 degrees. Well, actually, Georgia napped, and I attempted. When I got my eyes closed, the horse kicked the stall door and nearly gave me a heart attack. G was a trooper though, she slept through the grinder (mostly..only startled a few times) and didnt let the heat sour her mood. Cutest baby!

John has a recheck analysis tomorrow at 12:50 so please keep us in your prayers for resolution. Our new insurance isn't going to cover much, if anything, so we are looking at $2500 per month for an IUI and about $20,000 for IVF. Cost is daunting and we can't be sure how much we will be able to pursue.

Papaw's CT scan came back with less than ideal results. Turns out, the cancer is growing. It hasnt grown as much or as fast as it was previously, but its growing. I am also learning that he is vomiting several times a week. He jokingly explained it away as salmonella eggs, but I imagine that vomiting when you have cancer on the organ that touches your stomach is probably less than ideal. It is so sad to me, Im mostly blocking it out.

The kids are almost finished with school, so they'll be coming to stay with us for a week or so. I am so very excited! They were so much fun to have around :)

Hope everyone is well!

my handsome boys..

My nerves are in a bundle (get it, bundle of nerves? haha)

So, it occurred to me that we are supposed to start the process again in about 2 weeks! That makes me extremely nervous! I want this to work SO badly. AND it seems that every time I find someone to have some common ground wth regarding the fertility stuff, they find out they are pregnant. Maybe I should post an ad. "I want to be YOUR common ground friend" and then I too will get pregnant. lol. Think that will work? Yeah, probably not. John's theory is that if he buys a mustang I'll get pregnant. Yeah, probably not. He just really wants a mustang. What he doesnt realize is that if he buys a stupid car, he'll spend all his time working on it and then I for SURE wont get pregnant, because its somewhat required for me to be in the same place at the same time for atleast 5 minutes a day lol. He'll rig up some sort of under car contraption for me, no doubt. Great mental image.

I did find donor lists online. Who knew you could shop for donors by hair color, eye color, height, weight and interests. One did stand out to me. Im sure people are clamoring to use the swimmers of the 6' tall man that is interested in cooking, reading, drinking wine, and shopping. Thats every womans dream! Except those types are usually some man's dream as well :) This offers them the opportunity to use rare sperm.

At any rate, I was just foolin around cause John doesnt want to go that route quite yet. Maybe never, but Im sure he wouldnt be that cruel if it came down to it. Plus, Im not sure I could NOT do it, if that was the last opportunity.

On other news, my papaw had his CT scan done last monday, and we're still waiting to hear the results. They were checking to see if hardening of the liver still existed. They will also be able to tell where the cancer is now. He's been using holistic treatment for the cancer, using a salve to draw out tumors. It appears to be working - something comes out. I am so nervous to find out, but cant wait to see what it shows. I am so worried about him. Its hard when one of your favorite people in the whole world is stricken with cancer. Its even harder when that person is strong, healthy, vibrant, funny, and very much alive.

I dont think I actually have anything super positive to tell. Weight watchers is going... I lost 1.8 the first week, then due to my silliness in eating bbq, I gained 0.8 the next. Now, Im skipping weighing in for this week because I want to have a week of the gym under my belt first. (Oh yeah, Im joining the gym tomorrow). Thats about all I have. k. Thanks. Peace out.

Turns out...

I can be nice again :) lol. Im off this Saturday. I was originally intending to go to Ohio for a concert, but Ive decided that instead, Im going to spend the weekend here at home, spending time with my hubby. We're going boating (supposedly) and to a race (supposedly), and to dinner (maybe), and who knows what else. I do plan to assist my parents in their verizon join up. Im so proud :) John and I have had verizon for 10 years, and my parents have had..well..every other phone company. Im very excited that they are finally coming over to the dark side. I think they'll be pleased :)

25 days a month

25 days a month, I can giggle and be happy.
25 days a month, I can laugh and pretend.
25 days a month, I can ignore the fact that I have been unable to concieve.
25 days a month, I enjoy the people around me.
25 days a month, I can be hopeful.
25 days a month, I can say all the right things.
25 days a month, I can focus and be successful.

5 days a month, I am sad.
5 days a month, I am reminded of my failure.
5 days a month, I wish things were different.
5 days a month, I want to go away.
5 days a month, I am a bitch.

I joined weight watchers -

Update: I lost 1.6lbs. Not alot, but its a start, I suppose. John was very supportive.. NOT.. lol. Poor guy.

Im one week in. I spent day #1 of weight watchers eating seafood (really, though, i joined at 5:30, the day was already a waste). So, im curious to see how well i did this week. Ill update when I weigh in (weigh in is at...yep, you guessed it, 5:30...). Til then :)

A what about me sorta post

When you read this, if you want to do the same thing on YOUR blog, go right ahead :) People love to know more about you...atleast thats what I hear.


What experience has shaped you most and why?
I cant say that one experience, in particular, has shaped me the most. I think it has been cumulative. Things that stand out to me are 1)choosing to get married at a young age 2)choosing to move across the country, 1500 miles from friends and family 3)choosing to thrive. I taught myself how to sell, how to bargain, how to budget, how to earn income, how to stretch a paycheck, how to make new friends, and how to fit in. And, in typing this, I realize that probably the one experience that has shaped me the most was moving to colorado. All of things that I am proud of in myself, or things that I am proud of John for, would probably have remained unrealized had we not moved. Mostly, this caused John & I to grow up. You certainly learn how to become entertaining to your spouse when there isnt another familiar face for 1500 miles. We also learned every shelf in Walmart. And shopped in the middle of the night, but thats another story :)


If you had a whole day with no commitments, what would you do?
I would probably sleep. I dont do well with no commitments and I need atleast SOMETHING to get me stimulated and moving from day to day. My animals serve that purpose most of the time.


What food or drink could you never give up?
Mexican Food and Diet Sunkist - believe it or not, I actually prefer the diet. Its tastier, in my opinion. And Mexican food is my soul.


If you could travel anywhere, where would it be and why?
That changes with my mood. I would love to see Ireland. I dont know why - except there are bound to be hot red headed men. I want to see Hawaii. But I dont really enjoy the beach all that much, so again, im not sure why? The place that I am most often drawn too would have to be the Everglades. I have good childhood memories of the everglades, and as an adult, I have enjoyed my times there. Does that make me lame? Nope, it makes me afraid of planes. LOL


Who do you have a crush on?
Nobody. I am married. LOL Just kidding. I admire men, in general. That should keep you stepping, eh John?


If you were leader of your country, what would you do?
Shut down the borders, create an application for entry and make birth control mandatory for people on welfare.

Give me one savory recipe that doesn’t include cheese.
Cream chicken. Chicken breast with sour cream/cream of chicken soup mixture. Delicious. I'll make it for you sometime, just give me warning before you show up :)


What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?
As a child, I wanted to be a veterinarian. Then, I met a few veterinarians, and learned about being a veterinary technician. Realizing that Im not that interested in 100 years of school, obligations after hours, losing sleep for fear of your decision being the wrong one, I took the easy way out. I became a veterinary technician, and Im damn good at my job. I enjoy it, im passionate, and Ive been doing it for 10 years now. My brain is still as stimulated, and I definitely still see new things on a daily basis.

If you could spend just one day in someone else’s body, who would it be?
Someone thin.


Which woman writer, living or dead, do you admire most?
I dont remember writers names.

What character trait inspires you the most?
I enjoy funny people. Someone who can make me laugh and who can take a joke is key. Its something that I admire in my husband alot, but its easy to lose sight of that when life gets in the way. 9 years later, he still cracks me up, and its nice to know that he can provide me with a genuine laugh.

What is your favorite kind of music?
Country, hands down. I was recently scolded for not knowing who Def Leppard was (is that even SPELLED correctly?). I knew the name but couldnt list a single song. Ooops. But I know who Waylon Jennings is. Does that count?

I think I’m supposed to make up my own question for the end, but I just don’t have the brain power to do that. Feel free to consider yourself tagged though. If you are as desperate for blogging material as I am, this will make your day. It did mine.

What is one fact about you that most people who know you wouldn’t guess?
I spent alot of time being depressed. Sad, lonely, asleep. When im down, nothing is more entertaining than a nap. But, I laugh alot and cover that up.


If money were no object, what's one thing you don't own now or can't afford to do that you'd like to have or do?
If I could own anything, Id say land. I would buy gobs and gobs of land. Literally, gobs. I would make myself the most gorgeous house, with wrap around porch, a swimming pool, and gobs of land. Get it? Gobs.

According to the blog I stole this from, Im supposed to create my own question. I am drawing a blank, so I'll put this to you. What is one question you might want to ask me? Go ahead and ask :)

cutest kitten.

Leavin the beach! headin home!

Leavin the beach! headin home! I'll be home for about a week, then off to atlanta. good times!

we saw a zebra!

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Testing, one two three. Trying

Testing, one two three. Trying to add mobile blogging. Lets hope it works! kah

A picture is worth a thousand words

I saw a picture this past weekend that has made me reflect. I keep developing this goal to lose weight, then selling myself short. A friend of mine took a picture of me on Saturday that really opened my eyes. I would call it a terrible picture, but it was more like a terrible realization. So, I again am starting my goal. I am determined this time.

I spent the whole weekend going to Jamey Johnson concerts. My next one isnt til Aug 21, so even though im good for now, by then, I'll be chomping at the bit. Im currently still hanging out in Myrtle Beach. Heading home tomorrow. I am a LITTLE sick of driving. Pretty sure that im going to sit at my house in a silent place for the next 2 days. And play with my goaties :)

My new goat comes this next weekend. We've decided to add a buck. Its a decision that I am conflicted over, but it seems the best decision for now. He is registered, and adorable. Without a buck, I would have to find someone willing to breed their goat to mine. Could be difficult trying to find someone willing to breed a Saanen and a Nubian -neither of which are registered. Anyway, we'll see how it works out. If he's super stinky, he can live somewhere else! We're naming him Gilbert :)

Other news...We're having some issues remembering to take our medicine. We're currently on IUI hiatus, while John takes 3 months of Clomid. In 30 days, only 16 doses were taken. How should one react to that?

Ok, I think thats all I have to share.

what we've been up too

So, my diet is on slight hiatus - we're keeping a couple younguns for a few days and its hard to stay on 500 calories. But anyway, they're pretty cute! Enjoy the pics!

i heart faces entry - Pets!

I LOVE Pets! So happy that I heart faces did a pet theme!

To me, this picture is a prime example of a 'no boundaries' love. Our american bulldog, Jersey, was absolutely smitten with our sphynx kitten, Tots. They played and snuggled constantly. I sat on the bed with them for hours to capture this shot, and even though I took it a few years ago, it has been my constant favorite. The look is so intense.. Hope you enjoy.

Too see more, head on over to I heart faces!

VLCD #13 - Grilled Cheese are still the devil

Im still recovering. Finally off the 'freeze' and down a pound, but its a pound that I accumulated from eating grilled cheese. Oh well, still its down a pound!

I went to the drug store yesterday to buy 1/2cc U-100 syringes to give my injections with. I asked the lady where they were and she points and says "over there". At first, I thought outside of the pharmacy but then realized that she meant behind the counter. I told her I needed 1/2cc U-100. She grabs up a package and says "these?". I said "how long is the needle?" She says "I have 30g & 28g". No, I told her, 'how LONG is the needle?" She repeats 28g or 30g. Obviously seeing the exasperation on my face, she turns around and asks the pharmacist how long the needles are and tells him they are 28g & 30g. I said 'Guage is how WIDE the needle is, I need to know how LONG"... The pharmacist was in on it too and tried to explain, slowly, to her what length vs width really was. Finally, in her own frustration, she brings ME the package. I kindly showed her where it said LENGTH. Right on the package (I tried to explain THAT to her as well). When we paid and walked away, John informed me that her name tag indicated that she was the HEAD pharmacy technician. SCARY!!

Grilled Cheese sandwiches are the devil.

So, I thought id be just fine to hit up the local waffle house with the gals from work. Fail. I ate grilled cheeses (is that word?) I gained weight. Now im just plodding along trying to re-lose the weight. At 16.5lbs - and holding.

VLCD #7

Down 13 lbs :)

Static

No weight loss. Although, when I actually did the math, im at 11lbs, not 10. Which is wonderful. I hate that my weighed stayed static but it might have something to do with the poptart i ate yesterday, i cant rightly say.

Oh well, tomorrow's a new day. My goal is 60lbs by the end of July. Im interested to see where I'll end up :)

VLCD #5

Down a little over 10lbs now :) SOOO excited! Working out fabulously. I starved all day yesterday, ate a little steak for dinner....Then, about 2am, I realized that I never ate my 2nd meal! No WONDER I was starving! lol. Tonight, I'll eat both!

VLCD#3

Down another 2.1lbs. 7lbs total. Now, off to the auction!

VLCD# 3 (that means "very low calorie day #2)

Well, day 3 dawns with a weight that is 5lbs lighter. So, in 2 days, I lost 5lbs. Not too shabby! Hopefully, by Thursday, I can wear some of my too tight scrubs again!

On other news, I had eggs in the incubator, waiting to hatch. Due tomorrow. I removed them from the turner Saturday evening, before work. When I went to check on them today (remember, due tomorrow), they were hatched! Atleast 9 of them hatched already. 1 more orpington chick is hatching, but they are freaking adorable! I got one silver polish! Soooo CUTE!!

Now, to check on the ones in the nest box...Im in a nest box conundrum, if you will. The nest box is too high for the chicks to jump out. We're gonna need to work on that.... Until tomorrow, peace out!

Oh, and Tina, what is a gait check? Where do you have that done? I try to respond via comments, but I dont think it alerts you... Anyway...

Lost

2 lbs. First day. Not too shabby. The first week is always a struggle, but its all good!

My knee has been KILLING me. Followed by the dull throb of my foot (opposing legs, mind you). I decided to try and wear tennis shoes instead of crocs (first time in 5 years while working a shift). The tennis shoes are brand new. First time ive worn them was yesterday. TERRIBLE! My feet killed me, my knee still hurt and my poor throbbing foot was screaming because it was confined for 10 hours. Bad plan. Someone shoulda warned me.

I am fat, and I am done.

No, this isnt some sort of cryptic suicide note. I am done being fat. This time, when I lose my weight, I will do whatever it takes to become an "in shape" person, and not just a person with a whole lotta shape. Today is VLCD#1. I am doing the HCG diet. It is effective, quick, and boosts confidence. It is hard. 500 calories a day is difficult. This is my vow. I want to be a fit mother. I will update daily, so, all 7 of you, talk amongst yourselves and decide who will come read along daily to boost my confidence. Peace out :)

Negative.

OK, so its officially negative. Dr advised me to stop progesterone now.

Today, I start the HCG diet. Again. My new mantra is going to be "nothing tastes as good as holding my baby(ies) will feel." Ive gained about 30lbs in the last 3 months so its time to head back the other direction :). My plan is to do the 40 day cycle of the diet (maybe longer, depending on how its going), then start our fertility treatments again in August. Good times.


Went to the livestock auction yesterday, came home with 2 cutest goats! One is a Nubian doe and her baby is a Nubian/Boer doeling. Seriously adorable. Before I knew which direction I wanted to go with the goats, I planned to get a Boer. They are chunky monkeys with cute little heads and floppy ears. My nubian momma is in milk. And yes, I DID milk the goat! For the first time in my whole life, I milked a goat. Of course, I only managed to get a few streams, but im STOKED! (or pumped...lol). Anyway, now, to just get it regular! These animals are keeping me B-U-S-Y!

Our other goats, Maybelline, Lily & Frog, are all doing well. Lily & Frog are growing like weeds! They are also starting to play along with maybelline. She chases me and the kids chase her. Its pretty cute!

I ♥ my goats!!

Frog & Lily

Maybelline, rockin her shades...


Cider & Pollen -
they are still ever so slightly traumatized and wont look at me..

7 hours from now

I will take my pregnancy test (lets not think this is the FIRST for this month). It is the real deal tomorrow morning. Its TEST DAY (cue scary music). I am so worked up about it that I could vomit. We're taking the next month off, so we wont be starting again til the end of July. Its going to be hard. But man, I hope it works next time.

Hard times for some friends...

A good friend of mine is struggling through an extremely difficult time. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. Here is the story:

http://www.lex18.com/news/mother-dies-of-bacterial-meningitis-after-giving-birth-to-twins/

Baby goats!

My baby goats came home today! They are soo adorable! I named them Frog & Lily, since they came from Little Pond Farm. Im planning to show them in the future. Precious little creatures!

Tonight, when I was carrying Lily out to show her the barn, I slipped in mud and fell. Luckily, I managed not to squash her to death. When I showered, I found smooshed goat poop stuck to my leg. Charming, isnt it?

Look what we treated at work tonight!!

Insane! Who brings a freaking swan to the vet? It had tons of maggots. And lice large enough to carry off small children (I considered hiring them to fetch me a child).. Anyway, pretty cool! Owners knew he was sickly because he was "normally very aggressive" and had become calmer. Nice, eh?

Enjoy the eagle cam!

So, my dad shared this link with me. Its INSANELY cool! There is sound, so be sure you have that volume on!

http://www.hornbyeagles.com/webcam

I sit and watch constantly :)

Probably a lost cause

John's count was way way way way down and it was probably a waste of money. I suppose there is a slight chance it worked, but the dr gave me a free gonal F pen for next month, if that tells you anything. His motility was still great, but when there is basically nothing there.....

Im so devestated.

Next IUI

So, in less than 12 hours, we're having our 3d IUI. I feel like so much has happened in the last few months. I also, maybe incorrectly, feel extremely positive about this cycle. Although im still anxious, my head is just wrapped around a baby this time. And, to be honest, I keep saying babies because Ive convinced myself we're having twins.

John has been rather consistent with his acupuncture treatments and he said that today when she assessed his tongue (cracks me up) she told him "oh to be young again, heal so quickly" or something along those lines. I cant WAIT to see what a difference the acu has made for him. I do know that he went to bed tonight without taking his supplements, which irritates the piss out of me, but if we go in tomorrow and its lower, Ill spit in his breakfast for a whole month. (Fair warning, lover).

We did have a travesty tonight. Ruckus, my pointer, got into my goat fence and ate the 2 chickens that were living out there with the goats. I was TRAUMATIZED. I loved those stupid chickens. I cried. Its hard to be angry with him because he is a bird dog, but really? Cut me some SLACK, world! I guess technically, the slack was that he didnt eat the goats. Only the chickens. And he didnt just kill them, he literally ate them. So, I guess thats positive too, he didnt waste their deaths. Poor things. Anyway, more tomorrow after we find out statistics! Til then :)

The boyscouts of America.

Maybe Im going to hell. I think its possible.

I think the boyscouts are A CULT. From the outside looking in, this is what I see. A group of adults directing young adults. They dress the same, look the same, act the same. They have 'goals' that are flimsy. The parents are allowed to push and prod and practically achieve said goals FOR the scout. There is no checks and balances. They eat the same thing, go the same places, even pitch their tent the same way. It MAKES. ME. CRAZY. Lets have something positive for our children, instead of assessing their ability to swim 100 feet. Seriously? What sort of life lesson is that? Lets teach them how to REALLY do something. Lets teach them compassion, respect, and actually have rules that they MUST follow! One scout that I know (and love) doesnt even follow the premise of scouting. His parents have literally drug him along for the past 8 years. I cant think of a single time he was motivated to achieve a goal ON HIS OWN. He has failed grades of high school, learned foul language (that is used in front of his parents and grandparents), wished bad things upon our president and generally been atrocious. There were ZERO repercussions. He still spent all his free time (instead of doing homework) being pushed to get a merit badge of some sort. He is smart. Brilliantly smart, but just NOT what scouts are "supposed" to be. THIS makes me crazy. These boys are supposed to be respectful, use clean language, love everyone, attempt to teach everyone something. I see a group of predominately white, racists families that are in a constant pissing contest to see which son can pirouette 66 times off of a wooden plank in a smelly camp to achieve the ballerina badge. The parents are JUST as bad. I cant tell you how many times Ive overheard conversations regarding the scouting drama. "So n so wears their clothes too tight, so n sos mom showed her boobies...so n so made the wrong words during a speech". So what does THIS teach the boys? Its alright to run each other down? Its alright to gossip and talk badly about people? They can get THAT little piece of ethic in public school. No need to monopolize all their time teaching them about gossip and drama, thats for sure! And lets not even get started on the dozens of times I have heard one political party or another being run down. Predominately democratic, leading me to add that these families are predominately white, republican, racist families.

I dont get it. Maybe its cause im a girl. Maybe its cause I never was a part of scouting. Or, maybe I know scouts that are full of shit and false pretenses and its disgusting. Who knows. I dont mean this to offend anyone. Sorry if it has. (although, it is MY life as I see it). I just sat through a ceremony today, in a church, and listened to what went on peripherally (not to mention the load of .....stuff that people were saying from the pulpit). If those boys wearing those same brown and green uniforms said GOD one time, they said it 50. Pretty sure basic fundamentals say not to take the Lord's name in vain. Im irritated over this. Ive long thought it was silly.

My children will be involved in 4H, where they can learn responsibility, pride in accomplishing something, compassion, care for creatures, and self respect. So there.

onto IUI #3.

Number 2 was a bust. No go. I knew I wasnt pregnant, but still felt slightly hopeful that maybe, just MAYBE, Id be wrong? But nope. Not so much. This month, when we went for our d3 ultrasound, i asked about increasing clomid dose and adding injectables. Our RE was ALL FOR IT and started me on 150mg Clomid and 75 IU of Gonal-F. We return for our follicle scan ultrasound on Sunday the 23d. Im hoping for 20 little follicles. Id be happy with 4. We had the multiple discussion briefly this morning. If we get pregnant with 6, we're happy. (atleast, I AM HAPPY, John is cringing). If we have 6 follicles, we still want to go through with it. Sometimes the RE's try to get you to cancel if there are that many follicles, but at THIS point, screw that. Knock me UP!. And, my mom always says, if you're gonna do it, do it right. lol.

Took my first dose of Gonal F last night - I was sweating like a whore in church! Really really bad! Took about 10 minutes to start, and about an hour to stop. Very attractive. I also got a headache, but Im hoping that the more atrocious symptoms were because I also took Clomid last night. Tonight will just be Gonal-F. AND I get to take my injection at work! Fun freaking times.

All Ive read about injectables, even at this dose, have a much much higher success rate. Couple that with John's acupuncture (since IM a flake and havent been back) and we should be good to go! Wish us LUCK! This is it, people! (I sure hope so).

Get your goat?

No? Well, I did! I picked up 2 of the cutest little goats yesterday! Thanks to wifey for allowing me the use of the horse trailer, and for spending their evening with me picking up goats, I managed to get them home safe & sound. We (I say 'we' loosely) trimmed their feetsies, let them poop in John's box of screws (on accident, honey, I swear it) and then settled them into their new fence. I was worried they wouldnt have enough room, but so far, they've moved about 12 inches one way or the other. They've dug a hole, they've climbed on boards (which gives me a heart attack) and they've eaten some hay. Good times. One doe is a Saanen cross and the other is an Alpine cross. The alpine is NAUGHTY. The saanen seems to be very smart and relaxed. And, our herd will be complete when my 2 baby goats can come home too! Only 2 more weeks!

Enjoy the pictures.. We've named them Maybelline and Jolene. Jolene has a cough, so we're gonna deworm her in hopes that the cough is because of lungworms. Isnt that fun? Just saying that makes my breathing a little wheezy! Anyway, enjoy the pics, really.

Funny Story!

I have a passion for animals. I eat sleep breathe animals (yes, that means im not vegetarian). I own many. Many dont understand (people, not animals). It has been my lifetime weakness. When I was a tiny child, pranks were pulled on me using animals as the lure. (IE oh, look at the baby birds in the nest, yes climb the ladder to see them, then getting doused with a water hose -and no baby birds existed.). Im also gullible. Mix gullible and passionate together and Im pretty easy to get along with. lol.

I also have a fondness for my grandfather. He happens to be my most favorite person in the world, and therefore also the person who pulls pranks the easiest. I believe whatever he tells me. No matter what. (re-read -G.U.L.L.I.B.L.E). We are suffering a family crisis now, and a very trying time, regarding him specifically. My emotions are in upheaval and when I see him, I reflect on the funny pranks hes pulled. Today while I was chatting with him, I remembered the deer.

Im lazy. Im overweight, and I hate to exercise. However, if I had to walk 4 miles for an animal, im on it (remember the fawn? I chased that thing down and took it from the dog, thats right, I CAN run). At any rate, during one visit to mamaw & papaw's, I was told that the neighbors (*neighbors, loose term, meaning a mile down the road), had a deer and I could pet it. I was STOKED. All I could focus on was this deer. Mamaw kept this constant cat with the canary grin all afternoon. Im gullible, so I believed it was due to my enthusiasm for petting the deer. Clearly, right?. After lunch, we head down the road to the neighbors to pet the deer. Im giddy with excitement. In the mean time, I fall on flat ground and look lke a real klutz. I cant help it, im clumsy when Im excited. We walk. Its hot. Im lazy and out of shape. Im sweating, but by golly im gonna pet this deer. Finally, papaw tells me we're almost there! Just around the bend is this large clump of grass. He stops and says there is your deer. Me: Uh what? Him:over there, in the grass. And then he parts the grass. It was a deer that was dead from a car. lol.


I did NOT pet it. I sure did fall for it, though. Literally.

2nd IUI.

Well, today was our 2nd IUI. My progesterone isnt rising like it should apparently, so we're also going to have our third IUI tomorrow. Then, i have to have bloodwork rechecked on the 30th to see whats happening! Count was good and motility was excellent. The dr joked that he put the catheter in so far it was close to my tonsils. I'll refrain from commenting here, but I definitely got a good chuckle out of this doctor and thoroughly enjoyed our time at the fertility clinic today. I definitely needed that! Made for a much more relaxing event. MUCH.

2 of our pups went to their new homes today. Fern and Bristol went together, to live with Max, at our friend Randys. (that was LOONG winded, I know). They will be hunting dogs and we are very excited for them! Cant wait for updates to see how they are doing.

We have a whole slew of chicks getting feathers, and im starting to incubate some as well (eggs, not chicks). Looking forward to thsi! I wanna be a goat farmer someday! We already decided if the IUI creates 8 babies, we're gonna have a TV Show called "A Goat Farmer and her BaaaaaaBies". HAHAHAHA...Ok, i amuse myself. At any rate, we're off to the beach tomorrow. Good times!!!

Fertility Acupuncture

We started it today. Weird. I told John they had to put the needles in his...well, you know... And, even though he wasnt sure if I was kidding or not, he STILL agreed to go! Thats love, aint it? Anyway, it was a pretty interesting experience overall. She predicts 8 treatments will be needed to fix the issues. Im hoping she's right. We go back to the dr on Sunday. Good times!

End of our 2 week wait...

Tested negative :( No pregnancy this month, according to half a dozen cheapo tests and 2 First Response tests. I am concerned though because my legs are GINORMOUSLY swollen. I mean, on Sunday, I had pitting edema from my knee to my toes. Yesterday morning, my toes were so swollen, I couldnt bend them. My fingers are also a little pudgier than normal. If it hasnt resolved significantly by lunchtime, im planning to call the dr (I was advised to do it this morning, but im waiting just a little while longer in case it resolves and I look like a drama queen) So far, still swollen.


Our family is going through a really rough time right now (I mean my entire family, not just John & I) and a baby would sure be nice. I feel confident this will work, but Im sure hoping its next month :)

How bout a funny story.

So, when i was about 14-15, mom and I went to the grocery store. We were in her car, which had automatic windows (key plot point). We drove by this large SUV that had a black great dane inside. I thought it was absolutely precious, and wanted to see more, so mom pulls right up next to the vehicle so that I can oooh and ahhh at the creature. I rolled the window down. (mistake 1). I ooh and ahhh. Then, through some teenage brain fart moment, I barked. Twice. (mistake 2). This massive dog, teeth baring and hackles raised comes barreling through the window about 2 feet. Right. In. My. Face. Followed closely by its 2 friends (it might;ve only been one other dane, but I cant rightly say. I was very focused on other things). All are barking and growling, letting me know very clearly they would eat my face. Right off. So, amidst my screaming and panicking, Im attempting to smash the automatic up button on the window. Attempting. Mostly, I beat the snot out of the door of the car (while shrilly screaming). The other person in the vehicle that had control of the window operations, was laughing so hysterically that she forgot to 1)help. and 2) DRIVE THE CAR AWAY. I was in grave peril. She laughed hysterically. I might've pooped myself. I cant say for sure. Thanks, Mom.

Another Craigslist kook.

Ok, so John wants tobacco plants. Just for fun. I emailed this dude on CL to see if he'd sell us a few plants (instead of just the seeds he was offering). He informed that he indeed DOES have started plants and would sell them for $2 a piece. I explained that we would be in his area the following day around 7:30 am. He responded and asked me to please call to confirm if we decided we wanted some, as well as how many. I never called because we werent going to have time. Then, the following day I got an email that only said NO SHOW. Which is rather accusatory and rude. So, I responded "You asked me to call to confirm, so since I did not call to confirm, I'd call it a NO CONFIRM. Oh well, guess I ruined THAT contact. Sorry, honey :(

IUI

Well, we had our IUI yesterday morning. The count was increased and the motility was absolutely wonderful. Turns out vitamins and not smoking really DO help! Here's to hoping it works! Im sooooo hopeful!

Tomorrow is the big day!

Our ultrasound on Sunday revealed 3 adorable eggs - 2 on the right side that are perfect in size, and 1 on the left that leaves a little to be desired. I had to give myself the Ovudril injections last night, and we'll go in tomorrow for the IUI. SOOO EXCITED! (although, im betting John isnt!) Let you know how it goes!

HSG test

Well, I had the uterine dye test today - they inject a xray contrast into your uterus to check its health. It checks to be sure the fallopian tubes are opening correctly and that the make-up of the uterus is normal. The doctor said it was 100% normal. Im fairly pleased with that, eh? Atleast something I have can be 100% normal! We did, however, have to drive almost 2 hours for a 6 minute procedure. lol. Good times! Oh well, back to the doctor on Sunday! Cant wait!

Shhhh!!!

My ovaries are resting, according to the dr. Thats exactly what they aresupposed to be doing, and we're gonna wake em up with some Clomid (and then try and get one of em knocked up :) ) Lots of cysts seen (the good kind, not the bad kind - no bad cysts). My bloodwork all came back normal and good. I am not a cystic fibrosis carrier, which was sorta scary to me, so Im happy for that. I go in on Tuesday of next week for the dye test to scope out my uterus. My dad suggested I find out what color dye they will be using and have my hair highlighted the same color...lolololol. He's so funny :) Updates as soon as I have em!

today is day1,

In the process. I have a doctor appt at 7:15am on Friday morning to have my guts looked at again, as well as some bloodwork and medications to begin. Then, we'll go from there. SooOOOooOOoo excited! But, did I mention my dr appt is at 7:15? I work til 2am, and I have to leave my house by 5 in order to get there on time. Sweet. Good times. Til then!

A new day of hope is here!

So, we went to Charlotte to the reproduction endocrinologist yesterday. The place was fabulous. It was the most professional and sensitive place we've ever been. They even lowered their voices when they referred to 'infertility'. Im typically a nervous nelly, but they really settled me right in (AND they had the COOLEST coffee maker, that also made hot chocolate with a little bit of snickers gooey goodness inside).

They greeted us with an insurance layout that detailed our coverage and what is available. Nice to have, nice to know. The appointment was wonderful, aside from finding that my weight puts me in the"extreme obesity" category (traumatizing), and I really liked everyone I met. They had obviously read both our charts, addressed us by name, introduced themselves, and generally spoke like knowledgeable people (not akin to "so, your guys aint workin full time for ya", like our most recent dr visit went). We found out interesting things. Apparently, it was imperative that I have have a scary ultrasound (yep, insert V word), to assess my uterus & ovarian health. She thinks all looks fairly normal but the left side is full of follicles that might indicate a slight ovulatory discrepancy. It was very important to her that John NOT begin his testosterone injections. Since his levels were only slightly lowered, it is more likely due to his lifetime of smoking than an actual hormone problem. The same cause can be linked to his part-timers. Now that he has stopped smoking, she feels that those issues will correct themselves, and, incidentally, testosterone injections can cause the part timers to become quitters altogether. We do NOT WANT THAT. She tested me for cystic fibrosis, which is the most common caucasian disease. Apparently, if I carry for it, and John does as well, we would then only be candidates for IVF so that genetic testing of the embryo is possible. They will only implant the Cystic Fibrosis negative embryos, in that situation. We are good candidates for IUI (Intrauterine Insemination)-barring the cystic fibrosis gig, and we will begin this upcoming cycle. I feel very positive and uplifted. I soo needed this appointment to go well. She ran tons of bloodwork (including, I am embarrassed to say, a blood type, because I have no clue). Enough bloodwork that she will probably be able to tell when I last farted. Just sayin. All in all, a wonderful day. Im very excited and looking forward to our next step.

Reproductive Endocrinologists!

well, tomorrow is our big day!! Im so NERVOUS!!! It sorta makes me want to puke :) Guess we'll update ya tomorrow!

Baby Georgia is here!!

She arrived on Tuesday, Feb 23 @11:(something) in the evening. I had been coaching her momma to have her on a Tuesday, and Im so happy she complied! Georgia is ADORABLE :) I am in love. ♥

♥

Other news, John & I are being referred to a reproduction specialist in Charlotte. Our first appt is on Tuesday. Our appt on Friday with Johns regular doctor yielded basically nothing except frustration. That man has a death wish. Or atleast, I have to ASSUME he has a death wish since he walked in and nonchalantly informed us that nothing could be done to correct the semen analysis issues. When he thought I had a shank and was planning to gut him, he called the "urologist friend" he had kept up his sleeve and did a few bloodwork things and advised us to start Proxeed (Kudos honey cause Proxeed smelled like it should've been spelled 'Analeed'. DISGUSTING, you took it like a champ). We're now sorting through the bloodwork results. My thyroid was also NOT enlarged at our 2nd appt (after id lost 16lbs) and my bloodwork came back completely normal. That is, when they bothered to run the complete tests and not a pregnancy test. We're switching family doctors. John might or might not know this yet, but we are. Anyway, good stuff, and lots of fun things on the horizon.

Special drs...

No, not specialIST, just special drs. On Saturday, I got a letter in the mail from our drs office saying "NOT PREGNANT". Gee, Thanks, I figured that one out on my own 2 days ago (by this, I mean 2 days before the appt). Anyway, i called to get the rest of my lab results and turns out, they completely dropped the ball and didnt run the adult wellness panel, or the thyroid panel, ONLY A FREAKING PREGNANCY TEST!!! Are you kidding me, people? We didnt even discuss a pregnancy test. So annoyed! Im switching doctors. This place is too personal, too quaint and toooooo special. We will go to John's appt on Friday, then, we're outtta there!

On a positive note, my chickens are laying lots of eggs! Im sooo excited! Seems like only yesterday I was peeping at their little shells to encourage them to come out! We've had 1-2 eggs/day since Thursday. Today, we had FIVE. Almost a dozen eggs since Thursday. Crazy! Now, if I can just bring myself to eat them! lol

Would you like to come over for lunch?

Cause we're enjoying our nice, fat, shit sandwiches. Thats right, I said shit sandwich. Can I say that? Of COURSE I can, its MY blog! What IS a shit sandwich, you might ask? Well, Ill tell you. A doctor I used to work with would say that she reserved that term for really especially bad occasions. Occasions that knock the wind out of your sails, jerk the rug out from under you and sucker punch you in the gut. Sometimes only one colloquialism is involved, sometimes all three. For this occasion, lets say we've had all 3.

Its all fun and games Monday. Tuesday morning, we get turd #1. My doctor calls to inform me of the semen analysis. Lets just say that our team wont be winning any gold medals. Not even silver. Oh, and whats it look like? No blue ribbons, either. Thats right, wonky on both ends. Trying to bury that turd, we think of how things can improve that situation, herbs and medications. Also, we try and focus on our upcoming home visit with the foster system. Its a sign, we say. If we hadnt had issues getting pregnant, we wouldnt be here, after all. Clearly, they need us. Clearly.

Speed on to Wednesday. Home visit goes off without a hitch. Angus is a perfect angel, shows all his best manners, she says she isnt traumatized, gives us lots of paperwork to complete, asks for it ASAP.

Thursday morning, I speak to her in regards to our license. She tells me that I need to bring all our paperwork in and we should be licensed by mid-March (small giggle) and maybe getting our first kid!. Im stoked. I leave early for work in order to take all our papers there. Im leaving the DSS office and my phone buzzes saying I have a new voicemail. She called while I was inside. I return her call. Bad news she says. Here comes turd #2. She spoke with the state. There is no way they can license us because 1)we have electric around the top of our fence. 2)we have too many dogs (I literally asked this woman atleast 10 times about the NUMBER and the TYPE, she assured NO PROBLEMS!) and 3)Angus could knock a baby down and harm it. Right, but so could, oh, idk a rock, a couch, a chair leg, a shoe, a cabinet door, a toy, ANYTHING. Really people? That is part of being a PARENT, you SUPERVISE. So, my feelings are hurt. Really hurt. My hopes were up, finally. I had blocked this out for so many months now, not getting involved, unsure of what we wanted to do. When I committed, I committed my heart. Thanks for ripping it up. 6 months ago, when we first started inquiring, some stupid person should've done a LITTLE TINY BIT MORE RESEARCH before assuring me over and over again that the dogs would NOT create a problem. Im really angry. And now, where IS the silver lining? Maybe we're just supposed to have dogs?? Who knows. I sure do wish someone would come over here and share our sandwich with us, because I tell ya, im STUFFED and ready to VOMIT. K?

Not Me monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


This Not Me! Monday! is going to focus on my Monday morning - Its possible that you could be traumatized. Its regarding sperm, so read on cautiously.

I'll give you a few lines to make up your mind....





OK, you've committed: This morning, we did not get up and go get our fingerprints taken care of for Foster care.

We did not manage to get all of our trash taken to the dump, no, that would be way tooo successful.

We did not figure out how much a semen analysis would cost us in order to get one done today. We then did not create a time sensitive sample in order to take to the lab.

Realizing that we need the sample there, in 40 minutes or less (and we live 40 minutes from the lab), I did not then FLY out of the driveway and get 2 miles down the road to only realize I didnt have the prescription. The precious sample did have to remain warm, so I did not use my cleavage. Nope, I for sure didnt. After flying at 80 MPH back to my driveway, sliding in through the gravel and slamming to a halt, racing inside, grabbing the prescription and taking the dog so off guard he couldnt even bark, I was on my way again. About 20 minutes into THE JOURNEY, I realized I had NO gas and the sample would go bad if I ran out. Dropped into a quick gas station to get ten bucks. I then did not proceed to pump gas with the precious sample in my not cleavage, either. I live in a friendly state. People want to chat. Southern ladies do NOT say (I actually DO mean that, I did not say it) the F bomb to complete strangers, so I had to politely decline to engage, all the while shielding the children from the cold air blasting them on one side. I looked less than friendly, and weird, shielding my boobs even though Im wearing a sweater.. although I was definitely sporting the 'cat got the creme' grin cause I was so amused with myself.

Side note: WHen I told my mom where I was keeping the sample, she did not screech "AAAHHh WHY DO YOU HAVE IT SO CLOSE TO YOUR FACE!"


Anyway, at 41 minutes, I race inside to get the sample to the people IMMEDIATELY. Lady was in SLLOOOOoOWWWW motion. I was anxious. I did not speak very rapidly at this woman in an attempt to get HER to speed up. I did not fill out my paperwork at lighting speed and shove it into her hand. (Dear lady, I hope you didnt get a papercut,sorry) When the sample collector arrived, I did not tell her that I was so nervous I nearly had a STROKE. Stroke? Really? Im dropping off an effin semen sample. STROKE?? I did not blush. Really. Much.

I explained that I was nervous due to the time constraints. They both laughed and then said, serious as can be, well honey, he could've just done it in the parking lot... LOL Seriously? OMG!

So, anyway, I made it in, just under the wire...while using my underwire(giggle). Looked lovingly at the sample and told them to take good care of em.

So glad we got that taken care of! Sorry honey, for telling this story, but I was so amused!

Story Share!

OK, so I think once a week, im gonna start sharing a story about something funny or traumatic thats happened me. Since we've just passed our 2 year anniversary of moving back to NC, Im inspired to share a story about our move. This ones gonna be lengthy...the entire trip was traumatizing.

So, our plan was to leave Denver on Feb 1 in order to be here before our litter of puppies was due (feb 10) and before I started my new job. We had 2 vehicles to bring (a bronco and a ford truck) that we drove daily, as well as our 'bread' truck, or box truck as John would constantly correct me. The bread truck topped out at 55 miles an hour. (get that? FIFTY FIVE MPH for 1500 miles) Kasey, John's good friend, and Kara, a friend of mine, both agreed to help us drive vehicles to NC. (Kasey flew out, Kara flew back). In hindsight, we probably should'nt have chosen winter, but our home was in foreclosure and we had to be out before March. Anyway, we set out about mid-day, planning to drive as far as our eyes would allow us then sleep. Initially, I was travelling with John in the bread truck, in a computer chair lassoed to the back of the cab of the bread truck. Each turn and I rolled around inside the chair, inside the confines of the seat belt John used to tie the chair to the truck. We created a cat cage inside the truck, in the overhead compartment, so all of our naked cats and hairy cats were inside the truck with is. Yes folks, that means cat turds over your head. Anyway, it rained. Not just a little, but alot. Kara was driving John's truck and Kasey was driving my Bronco. We used the CB radios for communication. Just before Kansas, Kara said she was scared to continue driving (with its 10,000lb full of trailer, bikes, 4wheelers strapped behind her). We stopped and I started driving the truck (since I was going to puke if I had to slide around in that chair much longer!) Getting onto the on ramp, John was going slowly (as it had now switched to snow) and I nearly rear ended him because the brakes werent working. I broadcasted this and the boys acted like Id lost my mind. Anyway, we didnt make it much furthur that night due to the intense snow. We stopped somewhere in kansas to sleep and had to sneak the naked creatures and the heavily pregnant Tate inside in the warm. The other 5 dogs just dog piled in the front seat of the bronco to stay warm. Tate took a massive poop inside the hotel room (hows THAT for inconspicuos?) pretty much immediately, which sent kasey into gagging fits. Not to be outdone, all of the naked cats instantly had to poop as well *luckily, they confined it to a litterbox*. Next morning, we set out again. I still thought the brakes were a little smooshy, but nobody believed me.

We had to stop and get gas every 150 miles - Oh, did I forget to mention that the breadtruck ALSO did not have a working gas guage? Yep, thats right, it was a guess, so we had to keep stopping. Longest. Trip. Of. My. Life. Somewhere along the way, CB communication broke down. My CB would talk to Kasey, Kasey and John could talk to everyone, but John could NOT hear me - not in entirety, he'd either get just voice clips or nothing at all. Kasey spent alot of time translating until he got tired of that.. Anyway, after several nearly misguided accidents where kasey was advising John to merge into traffic (St. Louis & Nashville) and singing our fool heads off over the CB while we were falling asleep (which was interesting trying to sing a verse and getting someone else to finish - John was constantly lost if the verse was up to me), we made it to NC. We were moving to Asheville NC (more specifically, Marshall). That meant a treacherous snake like winding road. We started our decent from the mountains down into the town of Marshall. We're driving and I mention my brakes are squishy. John cant hear, he's not concerned, Kasey thinks im full of crap. Nope, pretty sure brakes are squishy and getting worse. We're going 20 mph down this hill, brakes in check, fairly certain they arent really working. Then, the truck starts getting hot. I need to coast but cant. Put it in neutral, Kasey yells at me...John is still getting snippets. Finally, we round this turn and yep, I have no brakes. Thinking that if I scream, John can hear me, I start screaming that I have no brakes. Kasey still thinks Im pulling his leg (im such a joker, apparently, I would kid about this) but John is picking up on the panic in my voice and can hear Kasey's end of the conversation. He starts advising me blindly and slowing down. Basically, Id push the brakes, nothing would happen. NOTHING. (Oh, except that I would scream and express my anal glands a little bit) His plan was to stop his truck using the bread truck, but ALL I could envision is the grief his messed up truck would cause me in the future. Im trying to out maneuver John since Kasey isnt communicating between us anymore very well. Anyway, round a few more really awkward bends and lo and behold, a runaway truck ramp. I made a snap decision and plowed into it. Good times. Bounce and rattle our way to a stop. Then, the truck starts smoking (actually the brakes) and Kara thinks we're on fire. Its clearly every man for himself cause she bails out and takes off running like SHE is on fire. From all the anxiety, I couldnt stop laughing. Finally the guys made it back and turns out, then they believe me. Isnt that funny? Id been telling em for 1450 miles that the brakes were bad, but NOOOO...I have to hit a runaway truck ramp first. So, Naturally, the final decision is to leave Kara and I on the side of the road while they go to rental house, drop off bread truck and come back to get us. So, kara and I sat on the side of the road for the better part of 2 hours waiting...and waiting...and waiting.... We finally get settled at the house... We wake up at to tate having puppies 6 days early... Ahh...Good times!! And thats my story :)

Did I shave my legs for this??

OK, so the big dr appt has come and gone. GOod times. I shaved my legs for my impending 'feel up' only to find out that I didnt get felt up! Apparently, no pain, no....gain? If you have no pain during your month, you dont have to be checked for cysts. Since I was pain free (mostly just suffered from the occasional pain in my ass..lol) nobody had to violate me. The doctor was fairly amused that I danced in glee in the hallway and exclaimed "you dont have to feel me up? SWEET!" and she felt compelled to smack me. Anyway, my progesterone level was 18 this time. Last time, you might remember, it was 14 (almost 15). She feels positive that its higher, doesnt want to change my dose and wants me to continue taking it. I sorta solved my diet problem too. I asked her if its possible to take the HCG at the same time as the Clomid and she says yes. As long as Im monitoring my cycles and making sure im not taking HCG and pregnant, she's ok with it! So, I'll be starting back on HCG as soon as I get my visit from Aunt Flo and we'll go from there. I feel like I again am probably not pregnant. I cant be sure for a couple more days, but my guts are telling me that im not. My boobs are SUPER painful, but the guts are too, so probably not a lot of hope. Oh well, we'll try again next month if not :)

Additionally, our home visit is next week. Something just clicked and my anxiety is gone. I was so caught up in what they would think of the house and us and would we be good enough that I couldnt commit. Suddenly, its over. I think we keep a fairly clean house, we're obviously well fed and so are our animals, so they'll either dig us and we'll get a kid, or we wont. I want to help, but we also cant change who WE are to do it or there will be no joy or pleasure. So, thats the scoop :) See ya soon!

Not too much info...

But, IM heading to the dr to get my blood drawn. Today, they will just pull for a progesterone to see how effective this months medication was. Tomorrow, I get to get felt up for only $25! Such a deal! Thats when she'll tell me about cysts on my ovaries...(if there are any) Weird, I know. Not telling me anything new. AND she always wants to chat with me while im pantsless... We're gonna have to work on that. Although, I imagine that is one way to keep people concise. Rambling and telling needless information is probably not an issue with someone who has no brithces. Im sure this is really why she does it. Anyway, bon voyage for now!

this is traumatizing.

But wait, theres more!!

I ♥ this song! HYSTERICAL!!

I've Seen Pubic Hair

Are we familiar with OBO? And, im craving HOTDOGS!

People, when you put something for sell use lingo like this "Blankety blank available, good condition, no known issues $240". By placing an ad craigslist, it is IMPLIED that you will negotiate SOMEWHAT. When you place an ad like this "Blankety blank, available, good condition, negotiable, asking $240, will take $130" what do you THINK people are going to offer? Gee, you'd have to be REALLY special to say, hey, I think I'll offer that there fella $200 and see if he'd take it. RIGHT, the cats out of the bag, you are VERY negotiable. And you have a bottom dollar already in mind. If you feel the need to express that you are negotiable, use lettering like "OBO" which means "OR BEST OFFER" (and doesnt mean 'will take no less than $130). Often, people will offer you more than your bottom dollar if you'd just hang tight. Or, say something like "slightly negotiable" or "may negotiate" . Learn posting etiquette!

As for the hotdogs, I think its a side effect of the medication, but I can normally go years without a hotdog, but ive recently ingested about 10 hotdogs. We had hotdogs for dinner on Tuesday & Wednesday. I had a hotdog for breakfast this morning and 2 hotdogs for lunch. If each hotdog is 4% unknown, ive ingested 40% unknown material. Thats like, almost half of a rat. Yummy... Even that cant kill it. Those hotdogs were GOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!! Now, off to work to get our asses chewed in the meeting. Maybe I can ralph up a hotdog.


If you read this, I am charging $10 for this information, but will take a comment instead.

I ♥ Faces -Texture!

Well, ive struggled with this all day. I was initially confused by the texture, then unsure what picture I should post. Ive settled on this one. I personally love nature photos, that include lots of texture, but they dont TYPICALLY include myself or anyone else. This is me with my boy, Angus. We were at my mamaw & papaw's house in West Virginia. This is one of the most relaxing places Ive ever been.

When I was a kid, the very bridge in the background petrified me. The wood is old railroad tie type planks underneath, covered with big flat planks on top. The spacing between them is so large (by large, I mean, 4 inches?) that I was convinced that I would fall through and into the creek below - the very same creek that I traversed on a regular basis. Somehow, it was way more scary when you could possibly fall in. This is also the very same bridge that I was left on while "snipe" hunting, and where I finally got the courage to cross it and developed a not at all believable story about the scary snipes I had nearly snagged. It wasnt til years later that someone foiled my confidence in telling me Snipes are fake. Whhooops :) Even today, at 26 years old, the bridge gives me pause. Im a chicken, and I hate bridges, what can I say? It is a gorgeous old bridge, though, and even through my terror I can appreciate that. I havent done a single thing to this picture - its just the way it was taken.. Hope you enjoy it too :) Please leave a comment :)




Want more cool texture pictures? Head on over to I ♥ Faces to see more!